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Chapter 44 — The Setup for Something Awkward
Saturday afternoons at the Pritchett house had a rhythm. Jay on the couch grumbling at the TV, Manny treating chess like it was war strategy, and me sitting cross-legged on the floor, battling him on the board while Ghost turned into a rogue pawn-thief.
Today was no different—until it was.
Ghost batted a knight across the carpet like it owed him money while I tapped my fingers on my knee, studying Manny's last move. He sat back, smug as a Roman emperor mid-conquest.
"Check," Manny said, grinning like he just reinvented the wheel.
I didn't flinch. Instead, I made one move, leaned back, and said quietly, "Checkmate."
It took Manny a solid five seconds to register what had just happened.
His confident smile withered like a sad soufflé.
"What? How?" he blinked, leaning forward, scanning the board like I'd pulled off some sleight-of-hand magic trick.
I shrugged. "You're still young Manny. Lots of time to get better."
Manny sighed in existential defeat.
Jay chuckled from the couch without looking up. "Told you not to underestimate the boy."
Before Manny could respond, the house was suddenly filled with the sound of Gloria's heels—and her voice.
"No, Diane, we would love to. We'll all be there!"
I turned so fast Ghost almost fell off my shoulder. "Diane?" I said.
Gloria ended the call and looked at us like she'd just announced we won a trip to Disneyland.
"Was that Sam's mom?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes!" Gloria beamed. "We're all having lunch with Sam and her parents. Her father Ron is making barbecue!"
"Wait, we're what?" I asked.
Jay turned off the TV. "Why are we having lunch with people I don't know?"
"I got Diane's number from Sam," Gloria said as if this was the most normal thing in the world. "Jon and Sam have been seeing each other for a while now. It's time we meet her parents, no?"
Jay groaned like someone had offered him kale for dinner.
I groaned too, but for entirely different reasons.
"Great," I muttered, rubbing my temples. "So I get to watch my girlfriend's parents meet Gloria and Jay in the same afternoon. What could possibly go wrong?"
Manny, bless his innocent optimism, clapped his hands. "I think it's wonderful! Families coming together like this? It's beautiful."
Jay looked at me. I looked at Jay.
There was a shared, silent understanding between two men who just realized escape was no longer on the table.
We were going to that lunch whether we liked it or not.
As soon as Gloria turned the corner humming like she hadn't just detonated a social grenade in my life, I stood up and made a beeline for my room. Ghost tried to follow but gave up halfway through the stairs, clearly sensing this wasn't going to be entertaining.
I closed the door, flopped onto the bed, and hit Sam's contact on my phone.
She picked up on the second ring. "Hey, dork."
"Hey," I said, then got right to it. "So... family lunch with your parents?"
Sam groaned. "Ugh. Yeah. Mom just called and told me. Apparently Gloria — your stepmom or whatever — is now friends with my mom."
I blinked. "Wait—so you also had no idea?"
"Do you think I'd willingly let them set up a surprise fusion family barbecue?" she snapped, clearly mid-panic. "I gave my mom's number to Gloria weeks ago because I thought she wanted to send a card or something. I never thought she'd weaponize it!"
"That's what Gloria does," I said, rubbing my eyes. "She takes your intentions and turns them into... events."
Sam sighed on the other end. "What if they hate each other? Or worse—what if they really like each other and start planning double dates or knitting circles or God-forbid—karaoke nights?"
"Okay, breathe," I said. "We're not dealing with nuclear diplomacy. It's just lunch."
"Lunch with four people who could not be more different if they tried."
"True," I admitted. "But we're not going in unarmed. We're going to be strategic."
"Jon... are we really making a plan for surviving lunch?"
"Absolutely," I said. "Here's the deal—you handle the moms. Keep Diane and Gloria talking about safe stuff. Food. Weather. Oprah. Don't let them drift into politics, parenting philosophies, or how many grandkids they want."
Sam snorted. "Got it. What about you?"
"I'll keep Jay and your dad from clashing. Jay thinks barbecue is an art form, and Ron is also very serious about it so it's shouldn't be hard for them to get along for lunch. I'll make sure to manage their egos."
"I like this plan," Sam said, and I could hear her relaxing. "We divide and conquer."
"Exactly. We'll be in and out before anyone brings up our future wedding or the time Lily accidentally called you 'Mommy.'"
Sam groaned again. "You just had to bring that up."
"I am motivating you so you can survive this lunch," I replied. "I need you to be sharp, the stakes couldn't be higher."
There was a beat of silence, then the sound of Sam laughing, after that she said, "Thanks, Jon. I feel better now."
"Good. We've got this."
"Okay, General Hale. I'll see you at the battlefield."
I smiled. "Stay frosty, Sam."
I ended the call, sat back, and stared at the ceiling.
What could possibly go wrong?