"See that one there?" Anna pointed at a twisted monstrosity loosely veiled beneath a long tattered black cloak in Evan's Dungeons and Dragons monster book. A warped beak poked out from under the shadow of a hood and a crooked pock-riddled hand carried a scythe. "That one's my boyfriend."
Kitty looked, her hand full of popcorn suspended between her mouth and the bowl shared between them. "Ugh! Dude! What the heck is wrong with you?" She leaned in closer. "Is it wearing shoes on its clawed feet?"
"Yeah, cus he's classy." Anna flipped a couple of pages over till the image of a tall woman, whose chestnut skin was adorned with a patchy trench coat and pointed teeth with gold caps. Long and heavy-looking tools and weapons hung across her ample hips and shoulder, and a pair of glowing red eyes glinted beneath the shadow of a wide-brim hat. "And this is my girlfriend."
"Oh. I can get that."
"Hey! Will you two focus?" Evan called from his usual spot next to Kurt in front of the fat CRT TV on the floor of the attic. In typical fashion, he and the blue boy had their eyes fixed on the screen playing some game old enough to teach them how the earth was formed. "You were just about to tell us about breaking into Jean's room!"
Of course, he wanted to hear more of the story Anna had Kitty had sworn to each other that they would never speak of again after rushing into their room post-break-in. Anna wasn't sure what she expected when they got to the attic the next day to meet with the boys, but it wasn't Kitty sweating like someone had a gun to her favorite stuffed animal's head. Before Kurt even brought the popcorn up from the kitchen, she was already bringing up the razor and the rest tumbled out of her mouth from there.
"Oh, right - right." Kitty straightened her back while clutching an over-stuffed pillow she brought in from their room. "Well, it was dark in there - like crazy dark. Okie-spooky dark."
"Which is why you ate shit on a boot the second you walked through the door," Anna mumbled.
"Hey! Like I said - dark! Anyway, she has all these weird old Broadway posters on the walls -"
"You know -" Kurt peeped up for the first time since Jean was mentioned. "To be honest, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with you both telling us this. If Jean's door was closed and locked, I'm pretty sure that universal sign that she doesn't want someone in there poking around."
"It was an investigation, Kurt!" Kitty sat even taller with the authority of an attorney. "We found something dangerous and we were simply doing our due diligence! Jean would have wanted us to."
"Yeah -like I said about the door thing…"
"Well…" Evan paused the game and craned his neck to face Kitty. "Is she or isn't she on something?"
For the first time since arriving the in the attic, Kitty shut her mouth and the pair of girls looked at each other. Anna didn't need to touch Kitty's bare hand with her own to get a glimpse into her mind. It was the journal they found. The journal filled with half-baked thoughts, a sprinkle of confession, and a dollop of cryptic nonsense therein. There was the rage, the panic, all the unrefined raw energy of Jean's inner psyche on those few pages they read. Then the stuff about Xavier, about him preparing her somehow and teaching her. From the sounds of it, whatever it he was teaching her, it could have hurt the pair of them pretty bad - and even still Jean was at least considering it.
It didn't matter how much Anna tried to reason it, or talk through it with Kitty, so much just didn't add up. Jean could move stuff around with her mind… sort of. In just about every session in the Danger Room, Jean always looked like she was going to pass out over lifting the smallest of things. She was able to hold up a collapsing steel awning at the gas station by herself, sure, but even then she couldn't sustain it for very long. Anna figured if anyone were to quantify their abilities by combat capability, Jean would be pretty low on the totem pole. Granted, Anna herself would probably be lower, but still - something wasn't adding up. Then there were the earrings they found charging next to the desk. For the longest time the gross clip-ons simply seemed like a fashion no-no, but why would they have a battery that needs to be charged?
A loud thumping dispelled the energy in the room. Roaming eyes looked at each other till they eventually fell on the closed attic hatch. Another few raps dispelled a light coating of dust on the built-in ladder resting atop the hatch.
Anna stared at the dark corner of the room. "Anyone expecting company?"
Evan stood, walked over, and crouched near the room's only exit. "Hello?"
"Hey, Evan!" It was Jean's voice just beyond the thin wood. "Would you mind opening up just a minute?"
He glanced at the others and when he was met with only shrugs and vacant looks, he threw down the hatch and ladder. Soon Jean's fiery red hair crested the floorboards along with a disarming smile and a gently waving hand. "Hey everyone! Sorry to bother you guys." She cast her blue eyes across the room before her. "Wow! It's amazing up here!" When her gaze fell on Anna and Kitty her smile softened. "Hey girls! Would you mind if I borrowed you both for just a couple of minutes?"
It felt as if someone stuck a grenade down Anna's throat and pulled the pin. She looked to her right at Kitty and from her thousand-yard stare at Jean, it looked as if she felt the same. "Uh," Anna uncrossed her legs and closed the monster book, "yeah, I guess," Kitty said nothing as she followed Anna across the room and down the flimsy ladder.
"You guys mind if we talk outside? It's such a nice day out." Jean left the ladder where it was and made for the stairs leading to the main hall with Anna and Kitty following obediently behind. Kitty was glued to Anna's flank with her arm locked around hers and could feel Kitty's nails starting to dig into her forearm through her shirt.
If the outside air was nice, Anna didn't notice. All she could see was Jean's gently bobbing head leading them towards her spot on the cliff, and a flock of spooked birds fleeing from the trees before them leaving only a single lonely cardinal. Suddenly Kitty's mouth was centimeters from Anna's ear. "She's going to push us off the cliff!" Anna elbowed her and practically had to drag her the rest of the way till Jean stopped at the flat rock surrounded by its tinny rock towers.
Jean gracefully raised her hand and the little rocks began to shake, then float. The rocks slowly and unevenly began to stick together and sink into the earth to form flat rock beds similar to the big one Jean usually sat on. The tall girl turned, "If you both don't mind taking a seat." Kitty and Anna sat close together, Kitty's arms still desperately locked with Anna's.
Jean elegantly folded herself into a seating possession on the bigger rock, her back facing the sea behind her. "The four of you have truly made that little attic space into something special, haven't you?" She smiled, though this time the smile felt more forced than with the typical ease she seemed to display.
"Thanks." Anna drew her lips to a line. "How did you know about that anyway?"
"The attic? I didn't know it was a secret. When I never saw you four on the grounds or downstairs, I figured you'd likely have done something with that raggedy old space."
Anna nodded slowly. "Right."
Jean rested her elbows on her knees and pressed her fingers together. "I imagine you both know why I need to talk to you. I know you both found the razor blade and I know you searched my room."
"You can't prove that!" Kitty bursted and Anna pulled her back.
"It's alright. You were doing it because you were concerned." The space between Jean's brows tightened. "How much did you tell the boys?"
"We told em,'" Anna sucked in a breath and exhaled, "We told em' that we found a razor blade with weird white powder on it and we thought it might be yours."
"I see." A gust of wind threw her hair forward off her shoulders, causing it to dangle from her head down her torso. She tucked her locks back behind her ears to reveal the fat turquoise earrings. "Well, I'm not going to sit here and lie to you both. What you found is for what you think. It's not something I'm proud of, and it's not something I wish I had to do, but it's a necessary evil right now." She looked up at the canopy of trees from the tree line. "I need you both to be in my shoes for a moment. I'm a part of the school dance committee, I'm a part of the school election board, most of my classes are AP and I'm looking down the barrel of college. Then, of course, there are the things you see. X-Men, learning to tame our powers, practicing day-in and day-out, responding to crises.'" She shook her head. "There isn't enough time in a day. There isn't enough time in my life. I would cut back, but there is no more fat I can trim. I need all these things to get into a good college to get my degree." She rubbed her chin. "There is more to life than the X-Men, than being superheroes - or whatever label we give ourselves. Whatever this is, whatever stage of life we are in, it's not going to be forever and I'm preparing myself for what comes next. Like you both, I have a life I want to live and I'm not going to compromise on it."
She laced her fingers together in her lap. "I came from nothing and I have no one. Everything I am, everything I have, is because I worked for it. Because I strove and fought tooth and nail for it."
She looked up at them. "This isn't my first time using supplements to get me by. If it makes either of you feel better, I have a good and reliable source and I only use it when I have to. It's never something I take lightly. Normally I'm a lot neater about it too but -" She sighed "- well, I've had a lot going on lately and some things slipped my mind." She pursed her lips till they lost color. Her hand rosed towards her earring, but before it made contact her fingers curled and she ran her thumb along the pads of her fingertips. She rested her wrists on her knees.
"I'm sorry to put you both in this position. I didn't want this to be anyone's burden but mine. I'm going to have to ask you both to keep this to yourselves. I swear to you that I will stop with live calms down. Right now I just need a little help."
"Um -" Anna felt the word bubble up her throat and past her lips before she had the chance to clamp it down. Her lips parted as she stared at the 'too-pretty' red-headed hippy girl before her. She looked defeated, her head hung low, her hair rolling past her shoulders and onto her lap. She looked ready for the executioner's block. "Xavier… he -"
"He doesn't know about any of this and doesn't need to."
"R-Right." Anna looked at Kitty who stared back at her with the lights in her eyes on full blast. "Um," She looked back at Jean. "Yeah, you're secret is safe with us."
Jean put her hands together. "Thank you both. Seriously, thank you for understanding. And if you ever have questions or want to check in, I'll be completely honest, okay?"
"Yeah - sounds good." Before Anna could react and found herself and Kitty wrapped up in a tight hug. From beyond Jean's back, Anna spotted Kitty who looked as if she was on the verge of tears.