Is Love About Holding On or Letting Go?
My name is Chen Xi, and in my first year of university, I met someone I would never forget for the rest of my life. His name was Lin Che, a senior one year above me. He was outstanding — someone I could never hope to catch up with.
He loved playing badminton and had even won awards. He was recognized as the most handsome guy in our department, and countless girls pursued him. With his charisma and charm, girls were constantly by his side, and his string of girlfriends throughout university was impossible to keep track of.
I liked him, but I never dared to hope for anything more. I simply knew I liked him — that was enough. Perhaps it was my own insecurity, or maybe Lin Che's brilliance was just too dazzling for me. So all I could do was quietly watch him from a distance and pour my feelings into my diary.
After graduating, I found a stable and respectable job. On my first day at work, my team leader introduced me to my new colleagues.
"This is Chen Xi, your new colleague. Take good care of her. Lin Che, you'll be responsible for mentoring her, okay?"
I thought I had misheard until that familiar figure walked over and stood before me.
"Hi, I'm Lin Che," he said.
The moment I looked into his eyes, my heart lost control again — just like the first time I saw him back in my freshman year.
That night, I reopened the diary I had sealed away for over a year and picked up my pen once more.
From that day on, I stayed by Lin Che's side. I couldn't help but care about him, always paying attention to his moods. Once, when I sensed he was feeling down, I hesitated but eventually asked,
"Lin Che... are you okay?"
He glanced at me, then smiled faintly.
"Yeah... not really. Want to have a drink with me?"
Seeing his weary smile, I couldn't refuse. So, I nodded.
That night, he drank a lot. I stayed with him but didn't drink much myself. Eventually, I helped him home. Supporting his unsteady steps, I guided him back to his room. I had planned to leave immediately, but in the end, I couldn't help myself — I took off his shoes, wiped his face, and even made him some hangover soup before finally heading home.
The next day, Lin Che asked me to meet him on the rooftop, saying he had something to tell me. When I arrived, the first thing he said was,
"Thank you."
I smiled and shook my head. "No need to thank me."
We didn't talk much after that, just stood side by side, quietly enjoying the rare cool evening breeze.
"Chen Xi," he said suddenly, "do you want to be together?"
I thought I had misheard him. I turned to him and asked,
"Lin Che... do you know what you're saying?"
He nodded firmly.
"I do. So... do you want to be with me?"
Looking into his deep, steady gaze, I knew what I was walking into. I knew this choice would likely lead to heartbreak. But I still let myself fall into the abyss.
And so, in the sixth year of my silent love for him, Lin Che and I became a couple.
We did all the things ordinary couples did. He treated me well, showering me with thoughtful gestures and kindness that made me fall deeper in love. Yet, during all our time together, he never once told me that he loved me.
Perhaps I was too greedy — after all, just being with him should have been enough. Why was I still fixated on whether he loved me or not? At the time, I believed that loving someone meant holding on tightly. Because I loved him, I couldn't bear to let go.
But deep down, I knew there was always someone else in his heart. The night he got drunk — that was because the woman he loved had just gotten married. He knew she was someone he could never have, so in the end, Lin Che chose me instead.
Three years into our relationship, on his birthday, I happily prepared a cake and went to his place to surprise him. I waited and waited, but he never came home. My calls went unanswered.
Worried, I went out to look for him. After searching for a while, I finally saw him — standing just a short distance away.
I was about to run over to him when I noticed a woman by his side.
I recognized her instantly — the one who had always lived in Lin Che's heart.
I stopped in my tracks. My feet felt like they were weighed down by stones, too heavy to lift.
And then, just like that, a car lost control and hit me.
When I came to, I realized I was lying in a pool of blood. The world around me seemed to blur, and I could barely hear Lin Che calling my name. His voice seemed distant, like a faint echo.
At that moment, I didn't know if I was going to die. But oddly enough, I felt strangely calm.
If I really died... perhaps Lin Che would finally be free to love the person he had always carried in his heart.
Maybe this was what love truly meant — not just holding on, but also knowing when to let go.
With what little strength I had left, I forced myself to speak:
"Lin... Che... I... I... give you... my blessing... and... I love you…"