MALACHAI
I woke up to the warmth of Ezra's body pressed against mine, his soft breath tickling my chest. The room was dimly lit, the soft glow of the bedside lamp casting shadows across his delicate features. He looked so peaceful like this, his lashes fluttering slightly as he stirred awake.
"Baby," I murmured, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
Ezra sighed contentedly, his arms tightening around me. "Mmm… you're awake?" he asked sleepily, his voice hoarse from sleep.
I chuckled. "You're the one who woke me up, twitching in your sleep like a little rabbit."
Ezra blushed and buried his face in my chest. "Shut up."
I ran my fingers through his hair, enjoying the quiet moment between us. "What were you dreaming about?" I asked softly.
He hesitated for a moment before whispering, "Us."
A smile tugged at my lips. "Yeah? Good dream or bad?"
Ezra shifted against me, his fingers tracing mindless patterns on my arm. "Good… mostly. It was just… warm. Safe. Like this."
His words sent a strange ache through my chest. I tightened my hold on him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "That's how it should always be, baby. You're safe with me."
He let out a small hum, and for a while, we just lay there, tangled up in each other, talking about everything and nothing. He told me about a stray cat he used to feed when he was younger, how he named it Muffin and would sneak it food from the kitchen. I told him about the first time I ever tried to cook and nearly burned the entire kitchen down. He laughed, the sound light and sweet, and for a moment, it felt like all the darkness in our lives didn't exist.
But then, Ezra grew quiet, his fingers stilling against my skin. He bit his lip, his eyes flickering down to where our hands were intertwined. Something was on his mind.
I stroked my thumb over the back of his hand. "What is it?"
He hesitated, his cheeks turning a soft shade of pink. "I… I want you to…" His voice trailed off, and he squeezed his eyes shut, his grip tightening around my fingers.
My brows furrowed. "Ezra?"
His voice was barely above a whisper. "I want you to… have me."
My heart clenched. I lifted his chin, forcing him to meet my gaze. His blue eyes were wide, nervous, but beneath that, there was something else….something fragile and desperate.
"Baby," I said gently, cupping his cheek. "You're still hurting."
He swallowed hard. "I don't care. I….I want to be yours completely."
I kissed his forehead, then his nose, then the corner of his trembling lips. "You already are mine, Ezra."
He shook his head, his breath hitching. "But I want to feel it. I want to replace…" His voice cracked, and he bit down on his lip so hard I thought he'd draw blood. "I want to replace the memories with you."
Pain twisted in my chest. "Ezra…"
His fingers clutched at my shirt, his entire body tense. "Unless… unless you don't want me that way."
I pulled back slightly, my brows knitting together. "What? Bby, of course, I do. I just…"
"Then why won't you?" he asked, his voice breaking.
I exhaled, trying to gather my thoughts. "Because I don't want to hurt you."
Ezra's expression crumbled. "Or because I already disgust you."
The words knocked the breath out of me. "What?"
Ezra's lips trembled. "Because I was used, right? Not just by Lucius, but by his father too." His eyes filled with unshed tears. "I bet that makes you sick, doesn't it? Knowing that I was…."
"Stop." My voice came out harsher than I intended. My chest felt tight, my hands shaking as I cupped his face. "Ezra, don't you ever say that again."
He let out a bitter laugh, a tear slipping down his cheek. "Why? It's the truth. His father did it first, right in front of him. And Lucius… he…he never stopped after that." He swallowed hard, his voice barely a whisper now. "And now you don't want me anymore."
I crushed him against my chest, holding him so tightly it was as if I could shield him from the past. "Ezra, listen to me. I don't care what they did. I don't care how much they tried to break you. You are not disgusting. You are not ruined. You are the strongest person I have ever met."
He trembled in my arms, his fingers digging into my back. "Then why won't you touch me?"
I pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. "Because I love you too much to rush this. You're in pain, Ezra. Your body needs time to heal. But when you're ready….when you really, truly want this….I swear I'll show you exactly how much you mean to me."
His lower lip wobbled. "You promise?"
I leaned in, pressing my forehead against his. "I promise."
A shaky breath escaped him, and finally, he relaxed into my arms. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have…."
"Don't apologize," I interrupted gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
Ezra let out a soft sigh, his fingers loosening their grip on my shirt. I pulled the blanket up around us, tucking him in against my chest.
"You're warm," he murmured sleepily, his exhaustion finally catching up to him.
I smiled, pressing a kiss to his hair. "Go to sleep, baby.I've got you."
And as I held him close, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest against mine,but he didn't sleep immediately like he was waiting for him to remind him again.