I held on my lunchbox tighten for a second. Just a small movement. Almost unnoticeable.
Almost.
"No, it wasn't like that… or maybe…" The words come out before I could stop them, my voice quieter than I intended.
I hated how easily his name do something inside me. It wasn't regret. It was… something else. Something more.
Nami narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean 'maybe'? Spill."
I press my lips together before finally admitting, "Look, it's just… I didn't like him. Or maybe I did. I was confused back then. But now, I just want to forget about him."
But did I?
Saying it out loud was supposed to feel like closure. Like locking a door and never looking back. But if it was really over, why did his name still feel like I can't let go yet?
Nami stay silent for a moment then nodd, as if she understood everything without me needing to say anything more.
Why was it always so easy to talk to her? No matter how much I tried to hide, she always find a way.
"Anyway, love and relationships… that's just not our thing, right?" I laughed, as I leaned back against the bench.
Talking to Nami always had this effect like shaking off bit of my sadness that hidden inside me. Moments ago, the weight in my heart had been suffocating, but now, after letting it all out, it felt lighter. The way she hold the power making even the heaviest emotions seem temporary, was something I secretly admired about her.
Nami smiled , her lips curling into a knowing smirk. "That's true. And it's especially not your thing. You're always crushing on someone, then backing off just as fast." Her teasing tone made it obvious she wasn't letting this go.
I nudged her playfully. "Hey! That's not—" I paused, thinking about it.
"Okay , maybe it was true."
How many times had I convinced myself I liked someone, only to lose interest the moment things started getting real? It was like I enjoyed the idea of it more than the reality. Maybe that was my problem. ...I liked keeping people at a distance, where they were safe .
Where they couldn't hurt me.
Nami leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand, watching me with amusement. "See? You can't even deny it."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Maybe I just get bored easily."
She shook her head with a smile. "Or maybe you're just scared."
I opened my mouth to argue, but the words didn't come.
Because she wasn't wrong.
She hit too close to the truth.....the part of me I didn't want to admit, even to myself.
I masked it with another laugh. "Scared of what? Falling in love? Please, as if that's ever going to happen."
Nami gave me a knowing look but didn't push further. Maybe she understood me better than I thought.
And yet, despite all that, talking to her made it easy to forget....even if just for a moment...that those walls were ever there in the first place.
"Oh no! We forgot!" I suddenly speak, realization hit me.