Chunhe stood at the bottom of the stairs, gaze drifting lazily over the group like a passing cloud.
He stared at them for a full minute.
Two minutes.
Then, without saying a word, he began climbing the stairs—Singing.
Loudly.
And terribly.
It was awful.
Tone-deaf to the point of violence, his voice crashed like pots down a mountain, wavering unpredictably, off-key and wild like a drunk rooster in mating season.
Everyone in the room froze.
Liu Fan's eyelid twitched.Xu Mei pressed her pen so hard it tore through the paper.Li Chen sighed through his nose.Hong Xian clenched his teeth.
Even the candle flame by the window seemed to dim slightly.
Then— "Chunhe," Hong Xian called out.
Chunhe paused mid-step, turning his head slightly, still humming off-tune.
The group gathered as Hong Xian approached with a serious face.
Chunhe blinked. "Why do you look like you're about to tell me to go die?"
Hong Xian looked sheepish. "I… may have said something."
Chunhe stared. "Did you gamble our silver again?"
"No," Hong Xian exhaled. "A food bet. With Old Zhang."
Chunhe's eyes flickered. "...That stubborn old fart?"
Hong Xian nodded. "He said his daughter's the best cook in the entire province. No one could beat her dishes."
Chunhe blinked. "She probably is."
"I took a bite. It was good. Really good. But I just… casually said it wasn't plate-licking."
Xu Mei raised an eyebrow.
Hong Xian mumbled, "Then I said… that your food might be better."
Chunhe beamed. "Fair."
Everyone went still.
Chunhe yawned.
Chunhe blinked again. "So?"
"Old Zhang flipped the table," Hong Xian muttered. "He shouted—'That brat?! The one who ruined my inn?!'"
Chunhe scratched his cheek. "Ah. That night."
"He said you caused a brawl, broke two windows, and scared his dog into early retirement."
Chunhe muttered, "Uh oh."
"He also said you tried to flirt with his daughter—peeking at her every chance you got."
"Ah I saw a snake enter her room," Chunhe said dramatically. "I only wanted to help."
"You tried to peek while she was bathing," Hong Xian added. "But the one you ended up seeing was Old Zhang taking a shit."
Chunhe clutched his chest. "The real trauma was mine."
"He said you walked around half-naked with a rose in your mouth every time she was cleaning your room. Tried to seduce her with your body."
Chunhe winked. "I mean, I can't help being built like this."
Xu Mei raised her hand. "Wait—didn't you also run naked through the street that day?"
Hong Xian nodded. "Last week. He was streaking past the tea shop, screaming about 'spiritual freedom.'"
Everyone stared at Chunhe.
Hong Xian sighed again. "Anyway. He wants a cook-off. Tomorrow. You versus his daughter. Province-wide audience."
"No," Chunhe said flatly.
"We weren't served,"
"Not even tea," Li Chen added.
Liu Fan's stomach growled like a starving beast.
"We were kicked out of the dining hall," Hong Xian said. "Because of your cooking."
Chunhe scratched his head. "Wait—why am I the villain now? You know how much that old man loves his daughter. And you went and said she's no good? Of course he's pissed."
He shrugged. "Now he's throwing tantrums. And you got no food."
"So you're saying… you're hungry?" he asked.
Everyone nodded.
Chunhe looked around slowly. "So you came back here without food, hoping I'd cook for you?"
A beat of silence.
"mmm," they all muttered.
Chunhe turned and continued walking upstairs, still humming like nothing happened.
Xu Mei called after him. "Seriously?"
He waved a hand without looking back. "Eat air. Tastes good with water. Builds character."
Hong Xian whispered, "He's not going to cook?"
Chunhe's voice echoed faintly from upstairs:"And don't forget—I'm not cooking.let it be my defeat."
Xu Mei groaned. "We should've just lied and licked the plate."
Hong Xian stared at the floor, guilt creeping across his face."…And Old Zhang said if Chunhe doesn't win tomorrow—he's never serving us again."
Everyone froze.
Li Chen blinked. "Wait. Never?"
Hong Xian nodded grimly. "old Zhang daughter's cooking was second-best… right behind Chunhe. But if we're gonna act now."
Liu Fan slumped against the wall. "We're doomed."
Li Chen folded her arms. "So, either Chunhe wins the cook-off…"
"…Or we're blacklisted from the best food joint in the province," Xue mei finished.
Silence fell.
Somewhere above, Chunhe resumed singing. Off-key. Dramatically. Like he was serenading the moon.
It was going to be a long, hungry night.