Subtitle: Where All Versions of the Truth Come to Fight, and the Truth Loses in Style
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Previously on The Paradox of E:
E survived a realm made entirely of reviews, starred himself ironically, and taught an AI the value of sincerity using a kazoo and three bad puns. But now he steps into the heart of madness: a realm where continuity is weaponized and the only rule is that no one agrees on the rules.
Welcome to the Great Canon Conflict.
> [NEW REALM UNLOCKED: The Canon Coliseum – A Stadium Outside of Time Where Every Version of Every Character Debates What's "Real." Spoiler: None of Them Are Sane.]
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1. Welcome to the Canon Coliseum
The sky is made of fan theories. The ground is a patchwork of retcons, revisions, and deleted scenes. Banners hang in the air:
> "TEAM ORIGIN STORY" vs. "TEAM RETCON"
> "SHIP WARS TONIGHT AT 9!"
> "REMEMBER WHEN THIS WAS A SIMPLE STORY?" – No One Ever
E appears midair and lands in a puff of narrative fog. A booming voice shouts:
> "AND ENTERING FROM THE POST-IRONIC ERA... THE ENTITY KNOWN AS 'E ∞²'! CHAMPION OF THE META-ARC! DEFIER OF PLOT!"
E raises a brow and mutters, "No pressure."
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2. The Canon Tribunals Begin
Three colossal thrones loom before him, each occupied by a different aspect of storytelling:
Continuity: An old wizard surrounded by footnotes.
Retcon: A smug, sharp-suited exec holding a red pen.
Fanservice: A glittering deity of sparkle and contradiction.
Continuity snarls: "You ignored chapter numbering!"
Retcon sneers: "I improved your origin."
Fanservice just winks. "More slow-mo walks, please."
E, deadpan: "I feel like I'm on a talk show hosted by rejected plot devices."
The crowd roars. Some cheer, some boo. Some argue about whether this was better in the webcomic.
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3. The Variant Parade
Suddenly, hundreds of alternate E's descend into the arena.
Noir E: Black-and-white trenchcoat, monologues like it's raining sadness.
High Fantasy E: Full armor, unnecessarily long name.
Slice-of-Life E: Just wants to go to school without the multiverse imploding.
Musical E: Sings his lines. Nobody asked.
Cursed Forum Moderator E: Wields the Banhammer of Lore Enforcement.
They all scream at once:
"MY VERSION IS CANON!"
E sips a cup of Timeline Tea. "You're all adorable."
He summons a chalkboard labeled "What Even Is Canon?"
> "Let's break it down, class."
He draws a stick figure of himself fighting a dragon made of Plot Holes. Underneath, he writes:
> Canon is a construct. Continuity is an illusion. Punchlines are eternal.
The chalkboard explodes into applause.
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4. The Lore Gladiator Fights
A buzzer sounds. The gates open. Out charges:
The Exposition Minotaur – Made of infodumps.
Flashback Serpent – Bites by replaying your worst moments.
The Deus Ex Machina Machine – Shoots resolutions out of nowhere.
E summons a sword labeled "Character Development" and a shield made of "Foreshadowing."
He shouts: "Prepare for a fight sequence that's emotionally meaningful and confusingly choreographed!"
The crowd loses it.
Every strike he lands removes unnecessary backstory. Every dodge is a retcon gracefully avoided. Finally, he defeats the Deus Ex Machina by looking directly at the camera and whispering:
> "Earn your endings."
Boom. Applause. Someone in the audience passes out from pure symbolism.
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5. The Great Shipping Trial
The next phase? Romance subplots.
A courtroom materializes. The Judge? A romance novelist with six pens in their hair and zero patience.
Ships take the stand:
E × Cosmic Latte
E × Chaos Incarnate
E × Reader (you know who you are)
Arguments include:
"Their chemistry is real!"
"But what about that glance in Chapter 41?"
"THIS SHIP IS SINKING!"
E bangs his own head on the table. "I just wanted coffee..."
Suddenly, Fanservice waltzes in and declares all ships valid.
The judge shrugs. "Poly-canon it is."
A dance montage erupts. Everyone pairs off. Even Plot Hole and Deus Ex Machina share a waltz.
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6. The Archive of Could've Beens
E enters a room made entirely of scrapped ideas:
A scene where he was a talking cactus.
A chapter told entirely in limericks.
A lost arc where he trained a team of sidekicks, but they unionized.
E wanders, lost in the "what ifs."
Narrator (that's me): "Even the deleted ideas shaped him. Growth isn't linear. It's an ever-rewriting draft."
E nods. "Okay, you can stay."
Narrator: "Appreciate it."
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7. Fanon Uprising
Suddenly, unauthorized headcanons break into the arena!
"In my version, E is secretly a cat!"
"He's actually a villain!"
"E is a metaphor for burnt toast!"
They charge at him like a stampede of overenthusiastic book club members.
E stops them with one sentence:
> "None of you are wrong."
Silence.
He continues: "Stories are multiverses. Every version is a mirror. I just happen to be the one that gets published."
The Fanon army bows.
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8. The Final Meta Duel: Author vs. Editor vs. Audience
A triple-threat match begins.
The Author (a glowing entity who speaks in vague themes)
The Editor (a blade-wielding grammar god)
The Audience (a sentient cloud of reactions, theories, and shipping wars)
They each argue over who owns the story.
E appears in the center and drops a mic.
"No one owns it. We share it. The story lives between us."
Thunder. Applause. Confetti made of commas.
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9. Reader Callback (You Again)
E looks straight at you.
"Hey, thanks for sticking around. You didn't have to. There's a lot of content out there. But you stayed. That means more than stars or likes or plot resolutions."
He offers a high five.
Yes, through the screen.
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10. Exit Through the Canon Gift Shop
As he leaves the Coliseum, he's handed a T-shirt:
> "I Survived the Great Canon Conflict and All I Got Was This Narrative Perspective."
He wears it with pride.
Suddenly, a glitch opens up.
The next realm? The Plot Singularity – where all unresolved arcs collapse into one final decision.
E smirks.
"See you there."
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END OF CHAPTER 75
Achievements Unlocked:
Outcanon-ed Canon
Debated With His Own Variants
Fought a Flashback Snake
Wore the Shirt
Validated All Ships Simultaneously
Said the Quiet Part Meta
Acknowledged Reader Again
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Next Time on Chapter 76: The Plot Singularity – The Last Choice, The First Rewrite, And Why You Should Never Name a Universe "Jeff."