How to Stop Being a Basement Dwelling, Porn Reader
Are you tired of wasting away in your mother's basement, spending all your time reading pornographic web novels and treating others like dirt? Well, it's time to snap out of it and turn your pathetic life around.
First off, get your lazy ass out of your mom's basement. You're a grown adult living in your childhood bedroom, surrounded by old posters and unwashed laundry. It's pathetic and sad. Move out, even if it's just to a crappy studio apartment. Pay your own bills for once and take responsibility for your life.
Second, find a job, any job. You're unemployed and unemployable as long as you keep up your current lifestyle. Stop applying for positions that require skills and experience you clearly don't have. Lower your standards and take something, anything. Flipping burgers, cleaning toilets, whatever. Just get out there and earn some money.
Third, stay the hell off the internet. The only thing you ever do is jerk off to pornographic web novels, which is sickening. Do you have any idea how much time and energy you waste on that filth? Hours and hours a day, fapping away while your life rots away. Delete those apps, block those sites. Break the cycle of addiction.
Fourth, be a goddamn human being with feelings. When you do emerge from your subterranean lair, stop being such a jerk. Your constant rudeness and aggression is off-putting to everyone. Treat others with basic respect and courtesy, even if you can't stand them. No more yelling at cashiers, berating service workers, or spitting toxic venom at anyone who dares speak to you. Grow up.
Fifth, get fit. You subsist on Hot Pockets and Mountain Dew in your mom's basement, which has led to you becoming a flabby, out of breath mess. Join a gym, eat some vegetables, go for a walk. Get some sunlight on your pasty skin. Your body is a temple, not a biohazard.
Lastly, seek help. You have serious mental health issues that need addressing. Your porn addiction, your anger problems, your complete lack of social skills or ambition. It's too much for you to handle alone. Find a therapist, join a support group, talk to someone. You need an intervention before you sink any lower.
There you have it, a harsh but necessary reality check. Your life is a disaster and it's time to change, starting today. Get out of the basement, find a job, quit porn, be nice, get in shape, and seek help. Anything less is unacceptable. You're better than this. Grow up and be a real man for once, instead of a basement dwelling man-child. The world deserves better and so do you. So get your shit together before it's too late.