CHAPTER 3
THE BODY KNOWS MORE THAN ANYTHING
Irin took me to the coffeehouse this afternoon; we took a long time to get here because to drag me out of bed, take me to the shower, get dressed, have a conversation with Della about last night, have brunch together with Irin at the kitchen because Della already made it for me and listen to Irin babbling about food and how was I when I visited Irin house for dinner, Did I eat well, What Irin's mom making, What is my favorite dish and so on.
And here we are at the coffee house, sitting like old ladies, exhausted from the day before, drinking tea and coffee so the body can function. Irin drinks coffee—she's a coffee addict. Her usual drink is a caramel latte. I drink tea. I prefer the herb scent rather than the sour and bitter mixed smell. It calms me, opposite the girl across from me. She starts to gain her energy back.
"What!!? She shouts. Now I know she's back from the dead. "You kiss!?"
"Shh—don't shout." I sip the iced jasmine tea; it smells so lovely. "He kissed me, and I kissed him back—we kissed."
"Myyyy, how was it?" She asks with sparkling eyes and leans toward me.
I don't have to picture our kiss because I still feel it, even though I was totally drunk. "a bit tense…but hot." I say.
"Squeeeeee—-" She screams while closing her mouth and taps on the floor rapidly, making people inside turn to look at her. "Of course, it's tense because he waited to put his fucking lips on his sweet crushhh; I can't imagine what it will be like when you guys have your first sex."
"Stop." I quickly say.
"Actually, I can imagine."
"Stop it!" I shout this time.
"Fine, fine…Speaking of…Last night, that mother fucking jerk V fell down up his ass…I was so proud of myself." She says and chuckles happily. "I told you, didn't I? It was so fucking clear, he's so fucking want you, if he could jump to you, he would already do it," she says in a softened voice.
I stay silent. The way he always looks at me even when he's with Felicia, the way he teased me and joked around before; he was pleased to get any reaction from me, and I was a bit sick and tired of it. After that day, when I went to see Tytas. Vik was more—I don't know how to describe him—possessive and meaner, and his smile was not joyful like he used to be.
Vik wants me, really? The way I see it, he feels something toward me, but I can't think of the lovey-dovey puppy kitty love. It's complex and complicated; I feel cumbersome and confused when I'm with him because of his actions. And the most important of all is the reason he has a girlfriend.
"He wouldn't do anything," I say.
"Are you sure about that?" Irin says, "It's Vik, after all."
"He has Felicia, he wouldn't," I say.
"Oh, I didn't talk about Felicia," She curls her lips. "I'm talking about his buddy." She says.
Tytas.
"As I see, they might be best friends, but Vik is always the second best, the understudy…for Tytas. When he is alone, he's gorgeous, golden, the choice of the girls, but with Tytas, together, who is going to choose…"
"People have different preferences," I say my mind.
"Why are you defending him right now…no, I mean, you're right, but the way he sees it or feels it…It's not the same as you…Deep down, I think he wants to win something or have someone his secret rival can't have." She gives me a look. I roll my eyes a bit and look out at the window. "Now, Tytas, have you…that boy is heartbroken."
I almost chuckle,
"And we don't know that he will stay heartbroken or… might do something to win over." Irin keeps on predicting the future of the scene.
"No, I don't think so, and I think you watch many TV shows these days…you came out with a drama plot like you want it to be that way." I tease her.
"I don't have to want it because it's true; it will." She looks serious, but it's kind of funny that she's very into this. "You read books. You know the plot better than I do." Irin smirks at me. Then, her facial expression changes a bit. "Hey, I found something…" She pauses.
I look at her, stumbling to say while she looks around at everybody in the room. "I found—" she says lightly and leans toward me. "The gun room," she whispers. "Tons of them, like a collection, old ones, vintages, new shiny ones, the modern like police have and—" she halts. I pay attention, passionately waiting, "Some are too difficult to describe because I have never seen that kind of gun before." She speaks under her breath, the lightest sound ever.
I am stunned to speak, "Is it…perhaps…his father's?"
Irin shakes her head. "I found this, too." She pulls the square paper out of her purse and slowly slides it to me on the table. I take it and flip it to another side. My eyes are wide open. It's a picture of Tytas and me. It was his 16th birthday party. I'm surprised to see this photo because it looks like neither Tytas nnor I acknowledged that we were taken. I look at him in the picture. He was wearing a beige and black outfit, looking classic since then, but his eyes were looking directly at me.
"If it's his dad…Isn't it too much?" Irin says.
"Where did you find it?" I ask.
"It's on the side table beside the couch." She replies. I look at her. "That room is not just a gun collection, Zia—there is a big massive couch in the middle that's big enough for ten people to lay down."
I bite my bottom lip and look at the photo again.
"Perhaps, it's just a guilty pleasure, hobbies…he might love to collect guns…but all I think is perhaps just perhaps… There's a reason why Vik is so scared of him." Irin says cautiously.
I say nothing; I only listen to Irin's theory carefully.
"I didn't say that he is dangerous, but…I want you to be careful." She says truthfully from her heart. "Who could have thought the quiet, reserved person can have some extraordinary part."
Because of that, quiet and reserved, they tend to have some part they don't want to show the world, including me. I also have some parts that I am not proud of, a part that I wish to be hidden, but it comes out whenever I have some weird energy that is bothering my nerves and directly connected to that dark side. It came out once, and it has been staying under my skin and living rent-free on my head, sticking in my skull.
So I cannot judge him. Is he really a bad guy or a perilous person? But all over, he's good to me, gentle and tender.
"Oh god." Then, suddenly, the pitchy voice rises up.
I quickly put that photo in my black pants. I look at the voice's owner, Felicia; who else could it be? I sigh my breath out ignorantly.
"You're still alive?" Felicia asks.
"Do you care for me, Felicia? How nice of you," Irin says,
"I mean—your friend's here," Felicia puts her palms on our table. "You still can come out of your rat hole, Letizia…I'm impressed…you're not as sweet or a nice girl as you think you are."
"I didn't think that way at all," I say.
"Hmpt, keep your paws off, my man, Letizia." She says aggressively.
"Your boy is fucked up and fell down on his ass on his own, and you're blaming her?" Irin says annoyingly.
"I'm blaming all of you, you seduced him with your fucking looks and eyes. I don't fucking know, but I see it. You teased him, why? You like him that much and want to have both of them?"
This girl is delusional. I raise my eyebrows to her.
"Back off, Felicia—Your boy is the one who bugs Zia, not her, you lunatic," Irin says.
"I tell you one more time to fucking back off. Keep your fucking virgin eyes and your virgin ass away from him." She leans to me and almost hits my forehead. "Or because you want to lose your virginity so much that you can give it to anyone, huh?"
"Hey, you bitch!" Irin gets up and pushes Felicia back.
"Don't fucking touch me!!." Felicia yells.
"Hey, Irin…we should go. It's getting annoying here," I say, getting up to hold Irin's hand before she slaps Felicia.
"Yeah! Run away like you used to," Felicia says, or maybe I should just give it a second thought. I breathe in to calm myself and am about to leave the door.
"Don't fucking come near him with your puss—"
"What the fuck! You're out of line! You're mad because Vik is more interested in Zia than you?! Huh? Is that right? Why don't you put your insecurities to yourself and work on that and don't fucking blame others!" Irin comes in between and yells back violently.
"You are the one who blames the fucking most, Irin. It's because of your stupid questions!"
"I don't think so…" I say, walking to her, "First, you better shut up and think it through before you spread the useless words out of your mouth." She gasps. "Second, use your eyes. You have one, right? They're pretty, and I think you should use them more. Do you know when I first approached him? And how many times that—your man, Vik, comes to me with those eyes?" I can see her eyes with frustration, upset, and madness, but she is weak. "Like you say, I always run away from him, but he always follows me," I say with my steady glare, but my heart beats furiously.
"Ha…You…" Felicia's stunned and stammers.
"Lastly, I'm a virgin, so what? It's nothing wrong that I wait for the right one, and also, it's nothing wrong with others who love to have sex with anyone, either." My blue eyes pierce into her blue eyes. She backs down from her footsteps. "It's called respect. You should learn that sometimes." I add.
Then, I walk out of the door, and Irin runs to me right away.
Fuck, I'm losing my mind. I look at my hands, and they shake.
"Hey, hey, Are you alright!?" Irin runs to me and holds my waist.
"Yeah…no…I'm shaking…haha." I say to her and chuckle at myself at the end. She holds me to stop walking.
"You're crazy cool back there." She says, "It's okay. She fucking deserved it, even I think she deserves some punches." Irin adds.
"My heart is beating so fast," I say, then she squeezes me by hugging me.
"It's your adrenaline, girl." She says pridefully. "You fucking cool as hell. Damn I want you to make them shut up more often." She says.
"Not a good Idea. It drains my energy." I say, "And the one who should be punched is her boyfriend."
"You're right…damn, both of them should be punched, honestly," Irin says angrily.
As we started to walk away, I noticed a motorcycle on the side of the footpath, the same motorcycle from the garage, the same one behind the fences, and the same one in front of my house. It's parked right in front of me, with other regular bikes like it's one of the normal humans should do, but I feel so shocked. I look around immediately to see the owner, but there's no one in a black outfit. I lost my mind that I thought the rider would wear a black outfit. If I had heard the sound of the bike engine right now, I would have been aghast.
I might be paranoid.
I see the bodies, bikes, helmets, and that scene rewinds in my head every time I hear the sound of it, see the bike, the person wearing a fucking black helmet.
I must be hallucinating; I thought I crossed that path—at least on some level.
But I saw this bike was right in my house; the rider was watching me through a fucking helmet. He couldn't just park there and chill with flies at night.
"Are you okay?" Irin asks after seeing me flabbergasted and stops walking. "What are you looking for?" She turns to look around the same way I do.
"N—nothing." I stutter.
It may belong to someone else.