"What had I become?"
Seeing my supposedly "hands" bigger and greener than I could recall, carrying claws instead of normal fingers, looking deadlier than all the "predators" I used to see on TV.
My memories were a mess ,but I could vaguely remember dying in some cold alley alone.
"Is this heaven?..."
Looking around, there was nothing, simply nothing, only a vast amount of white sand as far as my eyes could see.
Did I really die, or is this just a dream?
Perhaps I just had eaten a bunch of crap and now I am hallucinating in a hospital bed.
This makes no sense.
I am in some sort of desert?
I couldn't hear a sound, I couldn't feel the wind against my skin, I couldn't breathe nor did I feel the need to.
Yet I was still somehow 'alive' how?
"Where am I?"I screamed in hope somebody would respond to me,
But nothing was there, I couldn't hear my own voice and I hardly could feel my 'body'.
This is worse than the time when I slept on my arm,I knew it was there, but I couldn't sense it, only feeling a vague sense of wrongness.
Did I truly die?
I don't see any angel I can't hear the cries of tortured souls, there isn't any benevolent god waiting to guide me, nor a balance where my heart would be tested, even a demon carrying a list of my sins, or at least a wheel of reincarnation, there was simply..
...
"Nothing, everything that I fought for...all that I endured, every error, every mistake, every regret I..."
I tried to stand up with this defective body, only to lose my equilibrium, falling with my face on the ground.
"Is this a joke?" Feeling the rage boiling up, I tried once more.
Pof
Only to fall again with my face touching the sand, but I refused to stop
NO, I had to stand up like a human being with at least a bit of decency, I refused to believe in such absurdity.
Putting strength on my leg. my body trembled,my balance was off,but I insisted on pushing it.
Puff
And once again, my head was facing the whiteness of the stand,I tried over and over again every single time, ending with my face on the ground without any improvement.
Until I stopped, using my arms to support myself looking like a fucking dog on all four, my balance was better.
"Of course, I am dreaming one hundred percent, and it's just the time to wake up and take my...my medicine...?no, something isn't right"
"Why can't I remember? what is happening? what's wrong with me? Wasn't I dead?...wait dead?... right, I died and ended up here. why does everything looks so wrong?"
My mind seemed like an entire puzzle, memories passed over me, only for it to become void a second later, while the control over my body was a mess.
What is happening to me?
Suddenly I felt something.
I could sense wind touching my body, a thing that I hadn't felt since I....came here, and I just froze.
For the first time since I came here.
I could hear something, something that shouldn't exist.
Roar
"How can something like this exist?"
My body started to tremble, thinking became harder, a giant orange bird using a white mask, carrying more muscle than a bodybuilder in steroids, at the size of a motherfucking car.
That bird was coming for me, and for the first time since I came to this world, I felt fear. I feel no matter what I do, I will die again.
There was no place to hide in this desert. It could fly, and there was no way I could outrun it when I couldn't even stand up without falling.
I just froze as the bird started to sink, becoming faster and bigger. I could feel my second death close to happening if I don't do something now.
FUCK IT
Abandoning any reasoning, I lunged at it.
It smashed into me with full force. I could feel air being forcefully removed from my lungs, almost passing out, seeing only white and black before we ended up rolling on the ground, falling in the middle of the sand.
Trying to stand up as fast as I could using my arms to support myself, I felt the wind passing through my body again, and I heard a familiar hateful sound.
ROAR
My body froze once again, and like a mannequin with its threads cut, I fell on the ground face-first on the floor, my mouth tasting the sand.
The moment I managed to stand up, he was already on me, slashing down with his claws, coming at my face.
I quickly try to put my guard up, only to end up getting blown away with my arms bleeding deep.
"Reduced to a beast incapable of standing with my two feet... alone and now getting blown away like a mosquito, that's a whole new layer of deep bottom."I said while looking down at my bleeding arms.
I could hardly stand up after that kamikaze, my arms were closing to be torn away rather than to stay still, I kept losing blood, and that beast can make me freeze up somehow.
I could feel it slowly moving towards me,maybe already secured that I don't represent a threat,
Locking my gaze at it I could see as he opened his mouth for another roar, and once again there was a familiar wind clashing with my body, and then.
This time, maybe it was the blood or the pain that I am feeling in my arms.
Closing the gap between us, he lunged at me with everything, but this time I managed to react, moving to my left before he could get a piece of me.
Ignoring the discomfort, I tried to use my new 'front legs' to run away the far as possible. I put every ounce of strength that my legs and arms could give and more without looking back.
But seems that fate had already abandoned me, the gods making fun of me, not satisfied with having me die once, they desire for me to die again, under their watchful eyes, to meet death a second time.
Feeling the familiar wind crash on me, I already knew how my story would end.
ROAR
And then my limbs stopped moving, my body that once desperately ran for a chance of survival, now only rests quietly.
"So that's it, right?"I said feeling my body give in,there was no hope for a miracle, here will be my grave in this vast desert by an animal on steroids.
I could see a shadow looming over me, and for some strange reason, I didn't feel any despair, sorrow, or regret, only a feeling of peace.
The wounds in my arms were a bit smaller than before; nonetheless, I could tell the end was near.
"At the end, I already died once, maybe this is for the best." Keeping my mind running wild, as I felt it.
Claws cutting deep on my skin, feeling my back burning hot, my new form had already been wasted, my time running out, only one thought came to my head.
"Why is it so hard? Why do I have to have such a defective form? If only I had a better form. If only I had a fucking gun to explode that beast head.
Then maybe I would have survived, but there are no ifs in life, right...
FUCK IT
Squeezing my hand, without holding back, letting all the old good rage take control of me or whatever instincts left, I stroke the demon above me, forgetting every single act of self-preservation.
Turning around and facing him, my first strike came with everything, landing on his chin, a left hook, taking him by surprise.
I wouldn't make the same mistake as he did,I would not let him fight back.
Left hook, right jab,uppercut to the chin,using my claws, punching in whatever form I remember, biting, making sure that every hit counts.
He is bigger than me, but not big enough that my punches wouldn't reach him.
ROA-
Before he could scream again I punched him again in the chin, for the pain on my back I was ready to retributive with everything that I had just when I was about to give him another punch.
It retreated,
I could see his mask was breaking up, clawed marks in his entire torso. there was a bunch of flesh missing from the wings.
I doubt it could fly again in this state,now looking closer without all that rush, his form looked closer to a bat than of a bird,
A giant strange-looking bat.
"How the fuck it got a six-pack"my mind wondered for a moment trying to distract me from the pain.
We stared at each other while moving in circles, while I did make a bunch of hits on it none looks life-threatening.
On the other hand, the mark it gave me on my back and on my arms are bleeding deep.
One chance that all I have
It screamed
GWAK-K
Like a mutual understanding, we leaped at each other or did I?
Making a feint I took a step back and threw sand at his face the moment the beast jumped at me.
Just when I was about to finish it by using my claws to tear off his throat,while it was distracted.
The demon, grabbed my hand, and I felt pain,his claws were piercing my hand
"AHHHHHH" Screaming at the top of my lungs ,I punched him with my other arm aiming at his face, only for it to get grabbed and then slowly twisted like some doll arm.
That thing lowered its head to the same level as mine, and I could see it, an ugly white mask, close to breaking up like a shattered mirror from my last gamble.
"No SeCond ChanCe" he told me while smiling,looking at me in the eyes,
Meeting his gaze,his eyes weren't those of an irrational beast nor a demon, but a cat simply playing with its food ,and I was the rat.
Opening his mouth, I could see the void inside ,and that void carried two sets of sharp teeth ,one worse than the other,ready to devour me.
Not even in my worst nightmares would I though of being eaten alive like in some zombie movie.
I couldn't move my arms, my legs are good as dead weight will this be my end?
I tried to run, I tried to fight, failed to escape and now getting close to being devoured alive seems that doesn't matter what I choose, kept failing, why? what am I doing wrong?
You can't do everything alone.
"ahahahAHAHHAHAHHAHAH"laughing like I heard the world's best joke, doing the only thing I could do, I dropped my head ready to accept my fate.
The demon looked at me with confusion on his face but ignored it and proceeded to put his jaw closer to my face.
FUCK IT ALL
Targeting his chin at the same spot where it was previously hit. I headbutted him with everything I had left
I could feel my face breaking up ,but it was worth as his was way worse.
"WHatttt Y-"that being roared dropping me and trying to grab the falling pieces of his mask
But before he could finish talking.the exact moment he stopped holding me,my fist met his face first, finishing breaking its mask
Squeezing my arm and using the only arm I could move, feeling my own blood dripping over my fucking body.
"FUCK YOU"I roared,my blood was boilling, and all the motherfucking rage of being beaten around finaly erupted.
Went directly to his throat, taking a huge bite while piercing my claws on his head before a burst of light sudden erupted from the beast's body.
Getting a glimpse of what was beneath it, I continued attacking it.
If I am going to die here then I will be taking this beast to hell with me and carrying his limbs like a motherfucking crown on the top of my head while speaking to the fucking devil or whatenaver exist beyond this fuck up world.
I didn't stop,not even when my broken fists were gone and my arms were an entirely bloody mess,not even when he stopped resisting and I could see a small human beneath it,not even when he stopped moving and transformed into a demon again.
"Do you like it LITTLE SHIT"
I just kept hitting with what was left of my arms, I won't give him the chance to fight back and fucking eat me,I not stupid enought to believe of whatanever lies my eyes are showing me.
"Thrump"
"Thrump"
"Thrump"
_______________________
At some point.
I was just there looking at it
The demon head was completly smashed,some pieces flew over the sand, blood dripping everywhere, but then.
"AHAHHAHAHAH" I laugh feelling a deep happiness resonate with my being.
My hands were gone, one of my arms was twisted beyond repair, I couldn't feel my other arm,my face was slowly breaking up, but none of that matters because.
"I FUCKING WON" losing my balance and falling on one of his wings, side to side with the now corpse.
I could see some black spots taking over my vision.
"Who would have thought I had some of this in me"I could hardly move my body.
Dunno how many times I almost met lady death today, "Do this count as courting death?" chuckling at my joke. even as numbness and pain were taking over me, I felt a grin taking over my face.
"I fucking won" I said looking up in the sky where should be,a shining moon that I could hardly see as numerous dark spots stole my sight,but then some memories started to appear.
Single life,Single child, pretty stupid, I never understood anything,not when people came to me asking for help, not when my once brothers of different mothers were having problems and became distant, not even when they screamed at me and told me to just quit.
"Fuck you all" I managed to say while feeling some warm liquid dripping on my face, dunno if I was really crying or is just my blood probally the latter,I hope.
Then problems came not of other persons but mine ,too stupid to resolve them, and too arrogant to ask for guidance.I just ignored until they exploded on my face ,then rage came ,more people started to cut me off and for the first time I woke up.
I ran not away my problems, literally I just got up and started to run, and I hated it I couldn't breath right, there was sweat everywhere, my muscles were always sore, but I was alone, nobody questioned me when I started to do it, they left me there, so I did it every single fucking day ,feeling my legs burn, doesn't matter if was day or in the middle of the night, when I woke up and everytime before I slept.
I started to think about everything I been doing my whole life while I was running.
But seems that abusing your body daily without rest wasn't a good idea an injury came and once again, one of the problems, I've been ignoring exploded again on my face. my parents were divorcing.
None of them really wanted to take me, and I knew that but I was still a minor, I just got lucky that they had a bigger sense of duty than I ever could hope to achieve, and my father brought me in.
New country,new school,new rules,new family.
I couldn't run,so for once on my life to not be a money sucker inside my father's house I grabbed a dam book, not pretenting I was reading but fucking try to understand it ,I hated more than the time I started running,it it was mentally tiring, different from running I couldn't shut down my brain if I wanted to do it right.
I knew how defective I was how slow it was for me to understand things ,and how quickly I could forget them,so I said no games,no tv,no hobbies fuck everything and took every second I could to study.
But then again seems that abusing my mind without rest wasn't the brightest of ideas...
"Ok that's fucking enough"I could hear some cracks,and my vision was completely gone, and I could feel my consciousness slowing crumbling
"That was fun."and these were my last words
My mind was blank, I was there, then everything was simply gone.