Maya,
I've written this a thousand times in my head, but the words never come out right. I'm probably the third person by now writing his love confession to you but I need to get it out. I need to say the things I never had the courage to say when I had you.
I lost you.
Not just because you blocked me. Not just because I pushed you away with every reckless, jealous, selfish thing I did. No, I lost you a long time ago, the moment I decided to make you my enemy instead of my salvation.
Do you remember the first time I saw you? Not like now—when everything's broken and distant—but the real, raw you. The smile you hid, the way your eyes softened just for a second when you thought no one was looking. I saw it, Maya. I saw you and I was scared out of my damn mind. Scared that you'd see the real me too—scared that if I let myself love you, I'd lose control.
So instead, I built walls—cold, sharp walls made of anger and revenge. I played the game like it was all some twisted chess match. You were the queen I wanted to capture, but every move I made was killing a piece of my own soul.
And the worst part? I was never prepared for this feeling that grew inside me—the feeling that maybe I was the one who got played. That maybe… I wasn't the hunter but the hunted by my own heart.
Sammy's crash wasn't an accident for me. It was the trigger, the explosion that shattered whatever was left of my sanity. When I heard she was gone—dead—
When I heard she was gone, I wasn't even thinking about losing her—I was thinking about ruining you. I had no one to blame, but even though we were both wrong, I somehow convinced myself that it was all your fault. That you were the villain. That you were the reason everything fell apart.
Sammy was my past, Maya—but I never imagined you'd be my future.
And here I was, doing everything I could to blow it up. It's fucked up, isn't it? The guy who's supposed to protect the girl he loves ends up being the one who ruins her world.
I thought revenge would fix me. I thought watching you hurt would numb my pain. But every time I saw you smile—real, genuine—it twisted the knife in my chest even deeper.
I'm a mess, Maya. Broken in ways I don't even understand. Some days I wake up and can't believe you ever looked at me the way you did. Some nights I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering how I let myself become this jealous, obsessed, desperate man who's terrified of losing the only thing that ever made sense in his fucked-up life.
There's a darkness inside me I can't shake—a poison that's been spreading ever since Sam's heart started beating inside you. I should've been the one to hold you together… but instead, I was the one tearing you apart.
You saved my life without even knowing it. It was like I was given a second chance too—a chance to make things right with you. But I fucked it up. I let my demons take control.
I'm sorry for every time I made you doubt yourself. For every time I let jealousy blind me to what we had. For every lie, every angry word, every moment I wasn't strong enough to be the man you deserved.
I was so afraid—afraid that if I opened my heart, it would be broken again. Afraid that loving you meant losing the last bit of control I had over my life. So I pushed you away to protect myself, but all I did was lose you.
And now, it's too late.
I don't know if you'll ever forgive me. I don't even know if you want to read this. But I needed you to know that despite everything—the pain, the madness, the mistakes—you were always the love of my life.
You saved me in ways I can't explain. And losing you feels like drowning in silence.
I keep replaying our moments—the small ones you probably don't remember but that I hold onto like lifelines. The way you laughed when I tried to be funny but failed miserably. The way your hand fit perfectly in mine. The stolen glances in the hallway before anyone else noticed.
I miss all of it. I miss you.
There's this emptiness now, like the world went mute and left me standing in a cold room with nothing but shadows. I'm haunted by the thought that I destroyed the only thing that made me want to be better.
Maybe this letter is selfish. Maybe it's just one more reminder of the mess I made of us.
But if there's one thing I want you to know, it's this: I loved you from the moment I saw you. Before the lies, before the plans, before the revenge—I loved you. And I still do.
But love doesn't fix everything, does it? Sometimes love breaks things that can never be repaired. Sometimes it's a sharp blade that cuts deeper than hate ever could.
I'm drowning in regret, Maya. Regret that I wasn't the man you needed. Regret that I let my darkness consume the light you gave me. Regret that I let my own pain become your prison.
Every day without you feels like I'm walking through a storm with no shelter. I see your face everywhere—in every shadow, every dream, every painful silence. And it breaks me.
I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could erase the nights I yelled, the times I doubted you, the moments I hurt you with my silence and rage.
But time doesn't heal all wounds. It just teaches you how to live with the scars.
I'm not asking for your forgiveness—not yet. Maybe never. But I hope that someday, you can look at me without hate. Maybe see the broken man behind the mistakes.
I don't want to be the guy who destroyed your world. I want to be the guy who fought for you, who loved you fiercely, even when he was scared to death.
You gave me more than I deserved. You gave me a chance to love and be loved. And I threw it all away.
So here I am—naked in my regret, lost in the wreckage of us, praying that somehow, somewhere, you can hear me.
I'm sorry, Maya. I'm so, so sorry.
If there's any part of you left that remembers the boy who fell for you so hard he broke everything trying to hold on, please don't forget that I loved you with everything I had—even when I didn't know how to show it.
You were my heart. My light. My only chance at redemption.
And now that you're gone, I'm left with nothing but this empty silence and the unbearable weight of losing you.
I hope you find peace, Maya. I hope you find the happiness I couldn't give you.
And if you ever think of me—not as the monster I became, but as the boy who loved you beyond reason—know that I'm still here, shattered and broken, still loving you from the ruins.
Forever yours, even if you never want me again,
Eddie