Hey folks.
I hope that you all have been well.
You too, Kid.
I hope that life has been going just as well as possible for you and your kinfolk and friend folk, wherever you reside in this world.
Me?
I've been...
Hmm.
Am not quite sure.
But not "bad" no, I wouldn't venture to say that much.
Just a bit...gray.
You know?
I can't really put my finger on it, but I think that a part of it comes from the fact that I completed the first volume of my series O.L.K. lbvs.
It is strangely bittersweet, and I hate it just as much as I love it.
This too shall pass, or something like that lol.
Bah.
Enough about me!
I genuinely hope that you all are happy and healthy, and that goes for you as well, Kid...should you be out there.
Sitting somewhere reading along with the other dozen or so people lol.
I love you...
Smile for me, yeah?
Enjoy.
UPDATE.
So...have you ever accidentally shown someone an...unflattering picture of yourself?
Someone that you'll probably have to see at least three to four times a week?
I could die of embarrassment...
Right now.
Now that you all can laugh awkwardly with me, let's get back to the past so that I can maybe not think so much about it.
Ugh.
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September 13th, 2018.
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I'm tired...
I can't do this "mind games" crap much longer...
I hate that it comes to this petty, stupid shit but apparently it does...
I feel like we are probably going to break up over this...and even if we don't, whatever happens, "we" will never be the same.
Whatever comes will never be the same.
Ever...
I don't see how you can drag someone you "love" through the mud like that...
How can you talk shit about people you "care" about and just go on like it never happened...
5 years...5 years we built up and in 5 minutes it is burned...ashes....we didn't break up but I feel it coming.
-Dad.
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Hmm.
September was rough for me.
For us.
For that relationship.
We argued quite a bit, you know?
Sometimes for days on end.
I hated it, Kid...
It killed me.
I didn't say much. I never did.
Even had I wanted to, I never really got a chance.
I also just...I couldn't. I hated being angry or irritated toward her.
I was so deeply in love. I hated going back and forth, I hated the heavy negative energy, I hated even the thought of being mad at her or directing my anger toward her.
I would always tell her that.
That I never wanted to have to get to that point with her...
She wanted to see it.
She wanted to see me angry or upset.
I have no idea why, but those were her words.
I hated it, because I loved her, you know?
Why would she want to see me that way, especially toward her??
Ugh...
Life, you know?
Sometimes she would either drink a bit more than she should have, or simply slip into a manic state, and I would become her verbal punching bag for hours...
I am not one to yell, I don't scream or shout.
I am typically pretty laid back unless it includes gaming and my close friends.
So I would rarely if ever rise to meet her level of...anger? Sadness?
It was most likely a combination of both. She had been through so much before me...and even a bit with me -I am no saint- but I had always strove to make her happy in any and every way that I could.
In hindsight, I was so in love that I would simply just tuck my tail between my legs and take whatever beating was coming, because at least in that chaos, I had her full attention.
Her emotions.
Her SOMETHING.
At least in those moments she was focusing on me and only me...
Hmm.
Looking back can suck sometime Kid.
I used to burn my old journals for that reason.
Bah.
I'm sorry that these last few chapters have been heavier, folks. I was in a tough place in life, apparently.
A place that I can't say that I ever care to return to.
I will leave you all at and with that lol.
I will drop the next chapter sooner, and I apologize for the length of time between posts.
You all have been loyal and amazing, and I love you for it.
I'm sure my...
I'm sure that YOU love them for it as well, yeah Kid?
See you all back here soon enough.
Sooner than later lbvs, my word.
Safe travels, folks.
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.