"And she scores a touchdown, winning the game! The crowd goes wild!" Cam excitedly hovered Lily over Mitchell who looked pretty annoyed by tiny kicks assaulting his head. "Ow—okay, unnecessary roughness. Flag on the play."
Cam took back Lily, cradling her "Oh, come on, Mitchell, she's our little MVP!"
"Great. And I'm the concussed quarterback." Mitchell grumbled as he fixed his hair.
Cam audibly gasped, Lily mimicking him, "Did you hear that? Daddy just admitted sports knowledge! My work here is done."
"Yes, because pain is the best teacher." Mitchell deadpanned, "Why are you excited anyway? It's just a dumb game anyway? And we are watching at my dad's, remind me again why?"
Cam shifted Lily to one arm, balancing her on his hip as he placed a hand over his heart, looking deeply wounded.
He waved his finger dramatically in front of Mitchell's face, "Mitchell! First of all, football is not just a game—it's a grand display of athleticism, strategy, and heart! Second, we're playing Ohio State today. And third—and most importantly—it is the one thing your father and I can actually bond over… or at least, could have before last time."
[Commentary]
Cam sitting on a chair chewed his lip. "I said something… unintentionally bad."
[Flashback]
Cam stood with Claire and Mitchell, swirling a glass of wine in his hand as he laughed a little too loudly.
"Hahaha! And she had the nerve to come back with her ivy league friends and correct me, honestly that tart should go back to Colombia and take her dumb little brown friends with her!" he cackled.
Claire and Mitchell, halfway through polite chuckles, froze mid-laugh when they saw Gloria, Manny, and Vin standing right behind Cam.
Mitchell suddenly found his wine glass very interesting. Claire, making a split-second judgment call, downed her entire glass in one gulp.
Cam, oblivious, kept giggling. "Haha, wait, why aren't you laughing?"
Mitchell subtly jerked his head toward the looming figures behind Cam. Confused, Cam turned—only to be met with Gloria's disappointed glare, Manny shaking his head in dismay, and worst of all, Vin clutching his tiny heart.
"Cam?" Vin's voice was small, trembling. "Is that what I am to you? A dumb little brown friend?"
Before Cam could get a word out, Vin turned and bolted, hiccuping between dramatic, gasping sobs.
[End Flashback]
Cam looked devastated, his eyes welling with tears. "It still haunts me."
Mitchell patted his leg awkwardly. "Don't cry. You explained yourself."
Cam shook his head, voice breaking. "Not well enough."
[Flashback]
Gloria stood with her arms crossed, her expression unreadable as Cam stammered through his apology.
"I—I didn't mean it like that! I meant someone else and when I said brown people I didn't mean your brown people, I meant the people who go to the university of Brown." He turned desperately to Mitchell and Claire, but Mitchell shook his head and Claire, clearly wanting no part of this, reached for more wine that wasn't even there. "Uh, not your people."
He folded and clasped his hand as he saw Jay from behind giving him the death glare.
[End Flashback]
"Now, I tried to patch things up with Gloria and the kids, and I think we're on good terms. I mean, who could stay mad at moi?" Cam spread his arms wide, finishing with jazz hands.Mitchell let out a long, suffering sigh.
[Commentary end]
Cam walked away, still holding Lily. "What do you think he thinks of the man who took away his precious princess and offended his new wife?"
Without looking up from his laptop, Mitchell shrugged. "Oh, I think Phil's still on my dad's shitlist."Then his brain processed the sentence, and his head snapped up in horror. "You meant Claire, right? Right?!"
[Dunphy House]
"...I mean who is she to call my kid weird, when one of her kids wears an aftershave, dresses like a count and the other one is basically controlled chaos with a side of compulsive disaster." Claire huffed as she chopped vegetables, her movements a little sharper than necessary.She turned to grab some carrots and continued, "And the way she said it, Phil. That awful little 'Jes,' like I was just supposed to agree."
Silence.
"Phil?" Claire turned around to see her husband completely engrossed in his Nintendo DSi. Her eyes narrowed. "Phil!"
Phil jolted so hard he nearly dropped the console. "Ah! Uh—what? I'm listening, I swear!"
Claire planted her hands firmly on the counter, one still gripping the knife, and stared at Phil, waiting for an answer.
Phil swallowed hard. "Uh… how about we pick up Manny and Luke together? It'd be nice if they spent more time with each other."
Claire considered it for a moment before shrugging and turning back to the vegetables, resuming her chopping.
Phil leaned forward slightly. "Honey, I really think you should talk to Gloria—"
Claire's knife paused mid-slice as she looked up, eyebrows furrowing. "What do you mean?"
Phil plucked a grape from the bowl and popped it into his mouth. "I mean, come on, you've noticed it too—there's… tension between you two."
Claire scoffed. "There is not."
Phil gave her a knowing look. "Claire."
She huffed, slicing a carrot with unnecessary force.
Phil continued, undeterred. "Look, it'd be better for everyone—you, her, me, Jay, the kids—if we weren't bracing for sparks to fly at every single family gathering. Which, let's face it, happens constantly."
Claire rolled her eyes but didn't argue. Which, in Phil's book, meant he definitely had a point.
"Fine," she relented.
"Great." Phil relaxed, turning his attention back to his game. "I just hate seeing my two girls fight."
Claire froze mid-chop, then slowly turned to squint at him. "How exactly is she your girl?"
Phil cleared his throat, backing away. "You know what? I think I'll call Jay about Manny's pickup."
And with that, he slipped out of the kitchen, leaving Claire staring after him, knife still in hand.
[Pritchett-Delgado House]
Ding-Dong Ding-Dong
Jay opened the door to the Dunphy clan. "Hey, hey, hey, there they are, the future of my bloodline. Come in, come in."
Alex stepped in first, giving him a quick hug. "Hey, Grandpa."
Right behind her, Haley barely looked up from her phone, offering a half-hearted, "Hey, Grandpa," as if even that much effort was pushing it.
Then came the resident sulkers—Manny and Luke—both dragging their feet like they had been sentenced to be here.
Manny sighed, "Hey, Jay."
Luke echoed, just as unenthusiastically, "Hey, Grandpa."
Phil was up next, juggling various items in both hands as he attempted an awkward side-hug. "Yeah, sorry, they've been like this the whole way. We tried—"
Jay wordlessly sidestepped the hug attempt, giving Phil a single pat on the shoulder before moving on.
Claire came in right after, effortlessly carrying two six-packs in one hand and a pie in the other. She leaned in for a quick hug. "Let me guess—the game's on?"
Jay nodded, already turning back toward the living room. "Yep, and we're two down. Now get a move on."
Gloria emerged from the kitchen, arms open wide. "Ah, Phil, hola!"
Phil beamed and eagerly stepped in for a hug. "Hola!"
As they pulled apart, Gloria smiled. "Two times today."
Phil, completely misinterpreting, chuckled nervously and leaned in for another hug. "Uh, okay—"
Before he could make contact, Claire intercepted from the side, setting things straight. "She meant we've already seen them twice today, Phil."
Phil froze mid-motion, then awkwardly backtracked, placing his hands on his hips as if that had been his plan all along.
"Okay, good talk." Jay clapped his hands together, already pivoting toward the TV. But before he could escape, Phil cleared his throat.
"Wait—before that, I think we need to handle this first." He gestured toward the center of the room, where Manny and Luke were locked in a silent, but very intense, staring contest.
Jay barely glanced at them. "Yeah, they'll be fine."
Phil ignored him, stepping up to the central table. "Alright, guys—huddle up." He grinned. "Heh. Football." He glanced at Jay, waiting for a laugh.
Jay just stared.
Phil sighed. "Tough crowd."
Shaking it off, he refocused on Luke and Manny. "Okay, guys, what did I say before—"
Jay groaned, already out of patience. "Oh, move." He pushed Phil aside and pulled both boys in by their arms. "Alright, listen up. We're a family, right?"
Luke and Manny glanced up at him, nodding slowly. "Yes…"
"And in this family, do we love each other, or do we fight each other?" Jay asked, his voice gruff but firm.
The boys exchanged looks, then stared at the floor. "Love each other," they mumbled.
Jay gave them each a light slap on the back of the head. "That's what I thought. Now get along."
Satisfied, he turned to the rest of the group. "And if anyone else needs me—don't. I'll be in the den." He started walking away, then tossed over his shoulder, "Oh, Haley, Alex—Vinny's upstairs."
Haley and Alex blinked in confusion but didn't get a chance to ask before Jay disappeared into the living room.
Just then, the front door swung open again, revealing Mitchell and Cam, both struggling under the weight of baby Lily and an excessive amount of bags.
Mitchell scanned the scene with suspicion. "Uh… what exactly did we just walk into?"
Ignoring him entirely, Gloria's eyes zeroed in on Lily, her face lighting up.
"Lilianna!" she cooed, sweeping forward with open arms.
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