«Hello, Apple Codling Moth!
Draco told me that there was a Quidditch World Cup this summer. You know, I don't care about that, but that's not the point—someone released the Dark Lord's Mark, and there was a whole mess! Everyone freaked out, obviously...
Also, we have a new Defense teacher, an old Auror with a magical eye. He's completely nuts… Probably concussed. Can you believe it? He's showing us the Unforgivables—on spiders for now, but still...»
*
«Hello, Lemon Eater!
Maybe someone was just messing around? But if not… you'd better keep an eye out. Who knows, maybe the Dark Lord got his hands on one of his backups (your aunt did say there were several), and now he's trying to make a comeback! Just won't quit…
Well, at least someone's actually teaching you something, haha!»
*
«Hey, Codling Moth!
Yeah, don't worry, I'll be watching. I had the same thought, and besides, you-know-who is all twitchy, your aunt is gloomy, and Peacock says his father is getting really nervous. Maybe they know or sense something—they're all marked, after all.
Oh yeah, sure, teaching! I mean, Draco is a pain, but turning him into a ferret? That's a bit much. His eye is still twitching!
P.S. Tell my folks there's some kind of Tournament happening here, so I probably won't be coming home for the holidays. Everyone has to stay, loads of guests… Total madhouse!»
*
«Codling Moth!
I don't know how, but I'm in this Tournament! I'm not even old enough, but I can't refuse… Aaah… Listen, the Frenc—
Sorry for the inkblot, Luna smacked me on the head so I'd focus.
Codling Moth, there are going to be dragons! I overheard! But I don't want to do this!»
*
"Screw off," Potter told the first reporter who managed to get to him.
"You prefer…" she pointed her quill at the parchment.
"No. You screw off. Immediately. Or I'll call Aunt Bellatrix and Godfather Sirius. Both from the Black family," Harry clarified. "Both really miss their favorite pastime."
The reporters looked crestfallen.
"At least answer one personal question!"
"Fine."
"Is it true you already have a fiancée?" someone blurted out.
"True," Harry said honestly.
"Who?"
"That's a second question."
He smirked nastily, recalling Terry's lessons.
"Did you cheat the Goblet?"
"Me?!" Harry gasped. "Look into my honest eyes—do I look like I could cheat anyone?!"
Malfoy and his gang were laughing in the background. Luna and Hannah stood nearby, clearly able to hear everything.
"What do you expect from the first task?"
"Serious injuries," Harry answered grimly. "Now, why don't you all take a nice walk through the Forbidden Forest…"
"Where?!" the reporters shrieked.
"Oh dear, they don't even understand figures of speech…"
*
"Sir…"
"Potter!" Snape exhaled heavily. "You didn't just ruin my summer—you did it with artistic precision!"
"Me?!" Harry was scandalized. "Why me? I didn't even come near you…"
"Yes! But Lucius wouldn't shut up about you—that's one. And two, Dumbledore suddenly started worrying about your training…"
"I hope you told him I'm hopeless?" Potter asked eagerly.
"At least fifteen times," Snape said darkly, eyeing the boy. "You've grown."
"A bit," Harry smirked. "Even got new robes!"
"I'm overjoyed…"
"Aunt insisted. Said I looked like a tramp, and that's unacceptable for the heir of such a family."
"Petunia has always been… conservative."
"What does Aunt Tuney have to do with this? I meant Aunt Bella," Potter snorted, watching Snape's expression before delivering the final blow: "Oh, you wouldn't believe what she taught me this summer! I even left her your digging stick—is that okay?"
"Potter…" the professor began in a dangerous tone.
"No-no, no Unforgivables, of course not! I'm still sane…" Harry crossed his fingers behind his back and sighed. "Sir, we have another problem, and I swear I have nothing to do with it!"
"The Tournament?" Snape asked grimly.
"What else?! And I swear on anything, I didn't throw my name in the Goblet, I didn't even go near it… What do I do, sir?! Sounds like I can't get out of it…" Potter shook his head and took off his glasses. "Luna says it's brain-sucking creatures messing with me, and I believe her. I overheard that the first task is dragons—how is that even a thing?! I'm not suicidal!"
"Uh-huh," Snape huffed. "And where's your Shen?"
"Looking for Nagini… Oh! Shen!" Harry froze. "Shen, sweetheart…"
A shadow over two meters long slithered from the corner, wrapping around its master with delight.
"Found anything?" he asked briefly.
"Still s-ssearching…"
"Sorry for leaving you alone so long—relatives wouldn't understand."
"Humans-s…"
"You shed your skin! Wow! You look amazing! Silvery-green with gold, and here, it's turning blue now…"
"Flattered…" the snake said, clearly pleased by the compliment.
"Sweetheart, will you help me? I found out I need to take something from a dragon, but how…"
"Mas-ssster! You talk to me, what are thos-sse lizards-s to you!" Shen said with noticeable disdain. "And if they don't lis-sssten, I'll bite them…"
"Got enough venom?" Snape asked dryly.
"Want to find out?" The beautiful snake coiled around his neck.
"Don't touch him!" Harry ordered, pulling Shen away by the tail. "We agreed—you only bite who I tell you to…"
"Forgive me, Mas-ssster…"
"Sorry, sir," Potter said. "She got a bit spoiled without me! Don't worry, I'll fix it… Uh… So, should I talk to the dragons? But then everyone will know I'm a Parselmouth, and you warned me about that…"
"There's no other choice now," Snape shrugged. He was beyond exhausted after this summer. "In that chaos, no one will notice anyway. Just cast something flashy and loud as a distraction."
"Deal…" Harry muttered, rubbing his forehead. "We'll make it work!"
*
«Hello, Apple Codling Moth!
So yeah, I didn't put my name in that damn Goblet! But it still chose me… What a scandal! Obviously, our Headmaster got accused of cheating (by the way, the French school's Headmistress is half-giant, and Hagrid is looking at her like that!). Someone called me a cheater too—got smacked in the face, and now people whisper behind my back but from a safe distance.
Anyway, I passed the first task, thanks to my snake. I just walked up to the dragon… The whole stadium lost their minds! I launched a firework—like the one I showed you, but bigger, to distract it. Then I told the beast, "Listen, just give me the egg nicely, it's not even yours! Or things will get worse!" Meanwhile, Shen slithered through the grass, got near the real egg, and hissed, "You'd better agree, or your baby is done for—I've got strong venom, and cracking that shell is no big deal."
The dragon panicked and rolled the golden thing over to me herself. I apologized properly afterward—I read how to do it in a book. Imagine this: me standing there, hugging the egg and bowing, while the dragon spreads her wings like an umbrella (it started raining because of the Dementors, it never stops now), shielding me and leaning her head down to hear me better. The crowd freaked out, debating whether they should rescue me, while we just chatted. I told her, "Sorry if I scared you, I was ordered to take this thing," and she replied, "I was ordered to guard it, I can't refuse, and I've got babies here…"
We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. You-know-who checked me over at least fifteen times before believing I was still alive. Luna just said, "All good."
But I finished last—talking took too much time. Whatever, I don't need to win.
P.S. Here's a note from Hannah. You guys seem heavier now! Things working out, huh?»
*
«Hello, Lemon Eater!
You're as lucky as a drowned man...
Be grateful the dragoness didn't accidentally eat you—didn't you say their eyesight isn't great?
P.S. How about a punch in the eye? You can take it now, right?»