I woke drenched in sweat, chest heaving, the world around me swimming in a blur. My thoughts felt jagged, like shards of glass scraping against each other. Anxiety wrapped around my lungs like wire—I couldn't focus on anything for more than a heartbeat.
I didn't even notice Heather's voice at first. Not until her face was suddenly in front of mine, filling my vision—wide eyes, furrowed brow. She became my anchor.
"What happened? Are you okay?" Her voice sounded far away, muffled, like it was coming through water.
I turned toward her instinctively and wrapped my arms around her without thinking. Pulled her in tight. Like if I loosened my grip for even a second, she'd vanish. My whole body trembled with the fear I couldn't name.
I stayed like that for a long time, holding her as my breathing slowly evened out. She must've felt the change in me because she gently repeated her question.
"Are you okay? What's gotten into you?"
There was something in her voice I hadn't heard before. Not just concern—fear.
"I… I don't even know," I muttered, still trembling. "But I think I met death…"
Her expression tightened, eyes going wide before narrowing with a seriousness that stole whatever air I'd just managed to recover. I took a breath—deep and uneven—and began to explain. Everything I saw. Everything I felt. Every flame. Every word. Every moment with the thing that called itself First.
She listened without interrupting. Not once. But her face didn't soften. Not even a little.
When I finally finished, she muttered something under her breath I couldn't catch, then dragged her fingers through her hair in frustration.
"Edric… I need to tell you something." Her voice was low, reluctant. Like she hated even hearing the words out loud.
"I haven't been completely honest."
My stomach twisted. That could mean anything. A dozen awful possibilities hit me all at once—every word from the dream, every echo of the Lich—and suddenly I felt sick.
"I've been holding you back," she said quietly. "You'd be much more without me."
That snapped me out of it. My thoughts stopped spinning. My brow furrowed.
"What the hell does that mean?" I said, my voice rising. "Are you trying to end this? Do you want to leave? What do you mean I'd be more without you? You're my other half!"
"Shhh—no," she said quickly, shifting closer. "I don't want to end anything. That's not what I meant."
She took a breath, steadying herself.
"Back when we met in the forest... I put a seal on you. I thought it would keep you from transitioning into a full Deva too early. I wanted to protect you from what might happen if you lost control."
I blinked at her. My head throbbed like a drum.
"You—what? Are you insane?" I rolled slightly onto my back, trying to clear my head. "What are you even talking about?"
"I know how it sounds—"
"You were with the contractors. I know you were. But since then, I've never seen you use anything like their magic. You can't just quit being one of them. So if you weren't a contractor, how could you possibly seal anything?!"
"And… and what about the flame that came from me after whatever you did? Along with my connection to them since then? Explain that… You can't tell me that a seal gave me more than it took away." I needed answers. I was tired of half-truths and silence.
"I didn't give you power. It helped your mind deal with the sensory overload. I'm sure you felt headaches and the like back then and maybe even now—that was your mind being overwhelmed by everything. The seal just lessened the load so you felt like you had more control."
She hesitated, then added, "Think of it like… your mind couldn't understand parts of the new you. Like colors humans can't see but are still there. The seal didn't take anything away—it just blocked out those new senses from your mind. All be to a much less effective degree."
I lay there staring up, trying to process. That made sense in a strange way.
"You still didn't tell me how you made the seal." I turned my head toward her. "I want to know that most of all."
"Well, that's simple… sort of. I was born in the Dire Forest. I'm a half-elf."
I looked at her, raising a brow. Honestly, she looked no different from a human, so the answer felt… anticlimactic.
"For the sake of our relationship, I'll believe you. But how does that help you make a seal?" I wanted to move on now that I got that answer. Truth be told, I'd only ever seen humans—maybe there was something I was missing.
"That's it? I thought me being part-elf would mean more to you. Why aren't you focusing on that?" She seemed genuinely surprised.
"Because I don't even know what an elf is," I said bluntly. "So no—I don't care that much, if you want the honest answer. Now please, the seal."
"Oh… Well… I guess you could say it's a form of inherent magic to elves. So I was able to imitate it. But mine's not as strong as a real elf's. That's why it's fading."
"Alright I guess I trust you on that too but we will talk more on that later. But there's still one thing I need to know—why were you with the devil-kin in that wagon?"
"Oh, I pretended to be a contractor. I used some basic magic I knew to convince them. When we got to the city, I slipped away as soon as we turned down one of the alleys. They didn't seem to care enough to chase me."
Now that she said it, I vaguely remembered them heading down the other alley. It fit.
"Well then… why the seal?" I asked, narrowing my eyes slightly. "It's not like you planned on meeting me. Was it just a coincidence?"
She hesitated, then let out a breath. "Honestly? It was because of what the contractors were whispering about. From them, I had a better idea of what you really were or… more truthfully what you could become."
She glanced away, voice quieter. "I didn't have some big plan at that time, I didn't even know if I was doing the right thing. I just… I didn't want them to turn you into a tool. Even if all I could do was make you a little less useful to them then maybe you would enjoy some more breathing room."
It dawned on me that if she could put on the seal and it's been fading, then why hadn't she removed it yet?
"So then why haven't you removed it? You've had all this time. You even said it was fading and that was causing problems on its own."
"It's not that simple… if I remove it, then all that filtered noise will become a burden on your mind so by removing it I could cause more damage than good."
"That's not up to you to decide, is it? It's my body. I want my choice in it. I understand you want what you think is best for me, but don't treat me like I'm some idiot who can't take care of himself."
She sat in silence for quite a bit, looking at me. I could tell she was deep in thought, but seeing her think like that for something that was my choice frustrated and hurt me. I felt something in me spark, and I snapped at her.
"Stop thinking about it and do it! I'm sorry I framed that as a request, but it wasn't! I'm telling you to remove your seal." I let out my anger at her. I was tired of this game. For years, I had been playing this with others. I felt rage at how no matter who it was, they all felt like I was a pawn for them to decide what to do with.
Heather started to tear up and looked shocked at me, her eyes echoing the same hurt I felt.
"I was... I... never mind... just let me see your back." She sounded so sad, but it was too late to take back what I said, even though her hurt did soften my own anger.
I did as she asked and showed her my back. I could feel something wet drip onto it. I didn't say anything, but that finally made me crack, and I went to apologize.
"Heather… look, I'm—"
As I was in the middle of saying that, I felt something change. My back snapped straight and my head lurched upright. It felt like my mind was on fire, and I tasted metal in my mouth. I wanted to cry out, but I couldn't. I felt Heather hug me from behind, her tears dripping down my spine.
"It's okay. I'm here… I'm sorry. But please, bear with it."