(AN: Go read Nah, I'd Adapt is the funniest and, might I say, the BEST JJk fanfic on this site.)
The game continued as normal… Well, as normal as it could be when secrets get put on blast with every loss.
After James' reveal of liking rabbit women more than he should, the game went on as normal, with cards being shuffled, dealt, and played, and more and more secrets being revealed. But while they were playing, a thought niggled its way into James' head.
'What is happening? My cursed energy feels like it's being suppressed somehow. I can still use and manipulate it, but it feels like it's not entirely under my control'. James internally debated with himself, using his reinforcement beneath his skin on his muscles to try and gauge his control.
'If I had to say, I have about half the control I usually have.' He deduced, not paying attention to the game and being the first one out, Nifty being in third, and the Devil winning again with Angel Dust now in second place. Like with James, a chibi version of Angel Dust appeared right beside his hands, this time dancing around on a pole idly.
"I'm gay."
"... the gay porn star…Is actually gay? Nifty, can you believe this?" James jokingly asked, trying to continue the levity of the situation. "Yeah, I could never have guessed." She continued, both of them looking at Angel, communicating with their eyes for him to continue the joke.
"Yeah, I know it's a real big shock, but… I like penis."
James gasped.
"Dick, if you will."
James and Nifty gasped.
"Cock, if you may so please."
Everyone gasped.
The game then continued again, this time Nifty getting second place and the Devil winning as usual. 'Alright, I knew he was going to be on bullshit with this cheating, but you aren't even going to hide it?' James seethed in his mind as a now chibi version of Nifty in a housewife dress.
"Before I came to hell, I faked every orgasm that wasn't me pleasuring myself!"
"Alright, does every single one of these things have to be about sex!?" Nifty yelled with a prevalent blush on her face. "Hey, short stuff, I don't know why you're so embarrassed. If I had short, dark, and handsome over there make me actually cum for the first time, I would be on my knees 24/7 with my lips #&#$#&%*#%."
"..."
"And my #^&$&#&*$ while he uses his #&*%#&* on my #&*%#%#*."
"...Angel Dust I don't quite feel too comfortable with you around my boyfriend anymore."
While the group tried to keep morale, the Devil simply chuckled and tapped the table twice, a wave of imperceptible power washing over everything. The game started again, the group none the wiser about what the Devil had done, yet they could see how it affected the cards.
Some of the cards had words on them, stuff like 'You are the biggest disappointment of my life, Anthony,' or. 'See what you made me do to you?' James had tried to ask the Devil about this, but something much bigger came up.
Angel Dust won.
The entire table went silent for a moment, taking in that an obviously cheated game had been won; even the loser himself looked slightly surprised. "Oh well, I guess that's how the cookie crumbles." He says, snapping his fingers as something weird happened. Instead of the simple chibi versions of the trio, the Devil's secret made a small holographic room, imitating a memory.
A small girl, only 8 years old, sat on the couch, crying into her black sweater as she seemed to be talking to nobody. "A-a-and then there was…" Her words were constantly interrupted by her sobbing. "Nobody left, nobody!" The girl continued to cry more and more as the scene on the table shifted.
Now the girl seemed to be a year older, in a middle-class house with two parents… This did not last, however, as the hologram glitched and displayed her new parents on the news, dead in a car crash.
It changed again, the girl now being 10 at a school. Her teacher tried to sexually assault her… He succeeded.
At 11, the girl found solace in a small online game. The company soon went bankrupt and shut down their servers.
At 12, her pet cat was run over in a tragic car accident.
The last image on the table was a 12-year-old girl, the sound of a rope around her neck creaking with the sound of the Devil chuckling invading their ears. "Yes, I do remember what I did to her; honestly, some of the best entertainment I've had in years. I should do it again." Everyone at the table glared at him, especially Nifty.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you think this is funny or something?" She yelled, slamming her hands on the table and glaring at him. "Yes." The bluntness of his answer shook Nifty. "It is my sin-given right to do what I please. I am the sin of pride, Maid; it is my duty to trample over anyone I deem weaker than myself, who would be everything and everyone that exists."
He gave a sly grin, putting his head in his fist without a care in the world. "So will we continue with this game or not? Nifty could only barely contain her rage, slowly sitting down while shaking in sheer fury.
James and Angel weren't doing better, the first barely holding himself back from swinging on the Devil regardless of the power difference and the other not feeling anger but sheer sadness for the girl. Everyone reluctantly calmed down, and the game once again started with the Devil winning once more and James coming in second place.
Another image projected itself on the table; this time it was a young James, being about 13, along with the same blond girl with freckles from the painting earlier. They were wearing beige khakis and blue button-up shirts as they walked the halls. James wore unfamiliar glasses, something that nobody had even seen him wear before he came to Hell.
"Look, all I'm saying is that it's bullshit, right? How can other girls call their friends their girlfriends, but I can't call you my boy-toy twink male-wife?" The blonde woman said much crasser than what her prep-school appearance may suggest.
"That would be because I am not a twink, Lich." James responded, a monotone voice contrasting his usual tone and expression. He had his arms folded as he walked, looking straight ahead as if he wasn't trying to entertain Alicia's nonsense.
"Yes, you are, bro. Not only are you 5'7, below average height—" Hologram James grumbled at that. "--But you are no joke, like the skinniest guy I've ever seen; like a slight gust of wind could probably carry you to New Zealand."
"I'll have you know I am only two inches shorter than the average national height." Hologram James said, adjusting his glasses. "Hey, for men, two inches is a lot, you know~" Alicia bumped elbows with him with a sly grin on her face. James sputtered and blushed while Alicia uproariously laughed.
They eventually came across a hallway. Their classes were in separate directions. "You want to come over to my house to watch FullMetal Alchemist later?" Alicia shrugged at James' question. "Why not? I can't wait to see Hughes fawn over his wife and daughter." James, who had already watched the series, could only stand there and nod, trying to hold back a grin.
They started to walk their separate ways before Alicia turned around and dramatically blew him a kiss. "I'll see you later, Pookie Bear!"
"I'm not your Pookie Bear." James states but blows a kiss back anyway, causing Alicia to sigh dramatically before disappearing down the corner. While they walked their separate ways, James stopped in his tracks, taking out a letter with a heart stamp. "She acts like this with everybody; make sure she likes you first." He said it as a self-affirmation before slipping the letter back into his pocket and walking off, ending his memory.
"Awww, young love, how—" The Devil got cut off when James slammed his fist on the table, his cursed energy not fully under his control pooling just beneath his skin.
"Shut up and start the game already, you hairy fuckwad."
(Shameless plug:Ko-fi.com/mrlegantrop)
If it's easier for you, imagine Alicia as Momo Ayase from Dandadan, that's what I did when I wrote her.
In exchange for not nutting in Maki on Thursday afternoons, Rika gets 420% stronger. --Yuta Okkotsu