The faint sound of the door opening nudged her out of a dream. The sky was just beginning to change into a lighter shade of dark and she could notice Elena quietly totter into the room.
It was just enough light for Elena to see Maya sitting on her bed, still in the outfit she picked for her date and in ruined make-up she didn't bother to take off just like her clothes. Maya, suddenly aware of the sight of herself, instantly began sobbing.
"He stood me up," Maya muttered, her voice cracking from crying.
Elena, letting out a quiet tired sigh, soundlessly climbed up on Maya's bed.
Maya was surprised. She had never experienced anything like that before, nor did she expect Elena to comfort her.
"Forget about him. He's not worth crying about."
Elena curled up on the bedsheets beside her as if she intended to sleep in this spot. It only caused Maya to break into more tears.
"But… I really thought we were hitting it off. Maybe something happened to him. Maybe…" Maya was sobbing, still thinking of excuses.
"I doubt it. Men are pigs." Elena said harshly. "The ones who seem not to be just haven't been given a chance to prove it."
Elena said it as if she was simply stating facts. After a pause, she looked up to meet Maya's eyes.
Maya was momentarily distracted by Elena's beliefs that she forgot she was crying. Then she leapt to embrace her, squeezing tight.
"But I really liked him. I thought he liked me, too," she was sobbing intensely into Elena's shoulder.
It seemed Elena was surprised by Maya's sudden physical outburst, but luckily she didn't reject it.
"You don't need him," she asserted.
Even with Maya's arms around her, she was reluctant to return the hug. Perhaps she was unable to, with her lying down on her side and Maya seizing her arm to bury her face in it. Elena only curled herself up more. Maya could still smell the scent of booze on her. Perhaps it was always on her, but rarely were they this close for Maya to smell the real scent of Elena beneath it.
Maya was trying to calm down. They lay down beside each other. It was comforting for Maya. This was the first time she cuddled with another human being since her mother died. It was the human closeness she missed so desperately, and never had thought she would find it with Elena. Nonetheless, she was thankful.
Elena's skin was cold from the chill outside and she did look somewhat dishevelled. She didn't bother to change into something more comfortable, but then again, Maya didn't either.
"How did you manage to find the right guy?" Maya was breaking down completely. "How do I find love like that?"
"It isn't love. There's no such thing."
Maya was puzzled by the harsh words. How could she deny it so blatantly and without hesitation? The couple had been seen as relationship goals by many, or at least that's what Maya believed. They defied high school clique norms; the popular and respected preppy guy was dating the unconventional goth queen, and they didn't care about others' opinions.
"But when you guys are together—"
"I bet it looks pretty from the outside." Elena's voice was distant.
Maya was in shock. She hadn't noticed any issues in their relationship. When together, they seemed inseparable. Elena occasionally spoke about him unflatteringly, but Maya assumed it was just her way of expression. She never saw Elena show dissatisfaction in his presence. They appeared genuinely in love when together.
Elena reacted to her dumbfounded look. "C'mon, Maya. Love is for naive and those ready to fool themselves. Just look at yourself," Elena began. "If you want those chemicals in your brain, drugs are a more reliable way. Guys will always screw you over if you let them."
"I don't understand your cynicism. I thought you and Keith were getting along amazingly."
"If I let my guard down, he too would rip out anything he could and run. Guys don't even know it, but it's their nature."
Has someone broken her heart so badly that she would think in this way? Does Elena not see what she has right in front of herself? Suddenly, Maya didn't feel so bad about herself. "Elena…"
"After all the gifts and pretty promises, they will leave you gutted in a ditch to die."
"Die?!" Maya's eyes widened.
"Never turning back…"
"What are you talking about?" Was Elena aware of what nonsense she was spouting?
"Promise me you won't do that," Elena's voice was small. She didn't look at Maya this whole time, however, with this, she grabbed the hem of Maya's shirt and wrinkled its fabric tightly between her fingers. "You won't let me die alone," There was a slight quiver in her voice, as if she were reliving a traumatic moment from her past.
Maya was left speechless. "Is this about your conviction that you'll die young? Elena, that's bullshit."
"People have tossed me away like trash, they have left me to die in a gutter. It's just the question of who will do it this time."
It came to Maya as a shock. Elena never talked about her past. She never let Maya scratch the surface. This didn't reveal more than Maya already knew; she was abandoned by her parents and treated horribly. But just hearing the words Elena describes it with made her heart ache for her.
Her life may have led her to believe there was no love. Indeed, how could she believe in love if she never had it? If she was never given it? Maya knew it existed. Her parents loved each other, they loved her. She just needs to show Elena some to make her believe.
"I would never do something like that."
"Thank you," Elena whispered as she started drifting away in her sleep.
Maya held Elena in a gentle embrace on her bed. Every time she had an honest talk with Elena, it seemed she was going deeper down the rabbit hole of how deeply troubled Elena truly was. On the other hand, it made her feel better about being stood up… somehow.