"What are you doing in my bed? Get out, you dirty brat!" I awoke abruptly to the grumbling of a sturdy woman shaking me vigorously.
"Ah, forgive me, auntie... I didn't know it was your bed! I'm new here, you see..."
The woman stopped and looked at me curiously.
"You're not from around here... Who are you?"
"The mistress bought me today from the traders who just arrived in the village a few days ago and brought me here," I said with a trembling voice, looking at her innocently.
"She bought you?! They're buying people now? Well, it's not surprising! Even before the war, the old lord had strange habits; not to mention his sons... You must be hungry then. Come with me!" the woman said sympathetically.
It was already evening, and the room, dimly lit by smoky tallow candles, was full of people, men and women alike, preparing for sleep after a day's hard work. The woman led me to a shed where another one, old and wrinkled, was putting enormous, soot-covered pots on the shelves attached to the walls.
"Something to eat for this little one, Asta!" said my companion, to which the old woman looked at us tiredly.
"There's not much left, and the mistress has already locked the pantry! I'm not going to call her now, perhaps you would dare, Una..."
Una laughed bitterly while Asta rummaged through a drawer, pulling out a crust of old bread and a small piece of cheese. She also searched in a battered chest near the door and found a small onion and a few radishes.
"Take these and go, I want to sleep now," she muttered weakly.
Una took the food in the lap of her tattered dress, and we turned to leave.
"But who are you?" Asta asked in a weary voice.
"I'm Ashivi, and I'm new here..." I stammered.
"She's the new slave, our mistress bought her from that Khajiit scoundrel who's just in the village!" Una added.
"May it go well for her... Slaves... That's something new!" muttered the old woman, gesturing for us to leave.
We returned to the large common dormitory, and Una led me to an unoccupied bed, placing the food on it. After looking at me with pity, she left. Knowing I was being watched, I tried to consume as much of the miserable food as I could and then shoved the leftovers under the filthy pillow with feigned care. I looked around the entire time I was eating, seeing drawn and gray faces of people of all ages, but none were very old or young. Despite the frail-looking silhouettes— even the men looked like that— it was clear that these people were used to the hard, exhausting work of the land. They spoke little, didn't joke or smile, just sat on their dirty beds, staring with hollow eyes at the peeling walls of the vast dormitory.
Anyway, they didn't have much free time at their disposal because, very soon, a soldier entered the room, and everyone immediately got into bed as if on cue. Then the soldier extinguished the candles one by one and took them with him. I lay down on my miserable bed and waited until the snores and nocturnal groans became predominant, creating a sufficient background noise for a patrol in march to pass almost unnoticed through the room. I carefully slipped out the door into the damp, foggy night, treading lightly on the hard-packed, gravel-strewn yard. Through the mist, the reddish light of Masser barely shone, and from somewhere far away in the swamp, strange, sad, and prolonged sounds could be heard.
In the baron's manor, the windows glowed brightly, and I crept along the walls toward them. The door was closed and unguarded, at least from the outside, and through the ground floor windows, hoarse voices and snatches of songs could be heard. I carefully peeked through a window and saw a large room, strewn with straw on the floor, in the middle of which stood an enormous table, filled with all kinds of plates, trays, jars, bones, and food scraps. Around it, a crowd of filthy soldiers sat, ate, drank, talked, and sang, while at the head of the table, on an enormous, richly carved wooden chair, presided a huge man dressed in shining armour. He had almost normal physical features for an ordinary citizen of the Empire, but the tusks protruding from his wide mouth left no doubt about his origin. He had thick hair and a long beard, both graying. 'Baron Herbert!' I presumed, continuing to survey the room greedily.
Its walls were lined with weapon racks and hooks from which hung heavy cloaks made from furs of varying quality. In one corner was an enormous clay fireplace with a roaring fire fed by thick logs; right next to the fireplace was another door. As no other door was visible, this surely was the access to the rest of the residence. Satisfied for the moment, I moved away from the window and started to explore the yard.
I found the stables, where a few small, skinny horses were kept—nothing remarkable in that regard. But then again, why would the swamp dwellers need horses in battle? While inspecting the barn, I heard weak growls that quickly intensified into a chorus of barks of all kinds, from the sinister whines of hunting dogs to the deep, hoarse sounds of enraged war dogs.
A cold shiver ran down my spine, and I bolted from the stables in a mad dash. I ran desperately towards the common dormitory I had just left, noticing that a door of one of the buildings had opened and two soldiers carrying torches were emerging from what seemed to be the guardhouse. I continued running unheard in the dark as they hurried towards the dog pen. The manor's door also opened, letting light waves illuminate the yard. Just then, oh just then, a gust of wind blew, dispersing the thick fog, and Masser grinned triumphantly in the sky. Immediately, the massive, threatening silhouette of the Baron appeared in the doorway, commanding in a harsh voice, "Wake the kennel master! Release the dogs, have them search!"
I stopped instantly from my run and pressed myself trembling against the cold ground. The courtyard, not too wide to begin with, started to fill with people carrying torches, all trying to cover as much space as possible. Right then, I felt a gentle caress on my hair, something like a spring breeze, and suddenly felt strong and almost lighter; I knew that my Mistress had enveloped me once again in her protective cloak...
From somewhere in a dark spot near the fence, right by where the whimpers and furious barks were coming from, I also heard a disgusting rustling accompanied by squeaks... I forced myself to dispel the last traces of terror weighing on my soul because, you must know, friends, I am terribly afraid of dogs, especially those merciless beasts that are the war or hunting hounds, and I crawled toward the door of the common dormitory, reaching it much faster than I thought possible. Or maybe, in such moments, our mind perceives time differently! Oh, time, this other great mystery of our world...
I slipped inside and remained watching through the ajar door. The courtyard now glowed with light, almost as if it were day, and was filled with people holding torches; one soldier was running towards the dog pen to release them.
And then I saw a tide of agitated, repulsive creatures; hundreds of swamp rats invaded the yard simultaneously, squeaking sinisterly, with sounds that chilled anybody's soul. The dogs, already full of rage and hatred, charged at them while the soldiers froze, surprised and disgusted by the grotesque spectacle of the horrid creatures scurrying around the yard. Despite the hounds' charge, some of the rats were stopping from time to time, mockingly twitching their whiskers... Now, thinking back calmly, I'm sure I couldn't have seen all these details with my human eyes, despite the light flooding the yard, because I remember even the scaly, long, and disgusting tails and the rotten, pus-filled fur of the night creatures that providentially came to my aid...
I say providential because now I know this was the first chapter from a lesson in humility given to me by the two entities that had so skillfully slipped into my existence. Later, much later, in the frozen lands beyond the mountains, on a night when Secunda bathed the surroundings in her yellow-greenish light, my beloved Mistress, Nocturnal, reminded me with a loving smile of that night and told me that her dear friend, Mephala, very amused by the situation, had called even the reclusive and misanthropic Peryite, Lord of all monstrosities, to help me!
Some of the servants had come to the door, now fully open, and were watching in bewilderment the strange battle that took place in the courtyard. The disgusting creatures had created so much chaos and disorder that at some point, some of the hounds began attacking also the soldiers, and, when the swamp creatures hurriedly retreated into the night from whence they came, the manor courtyard contained the corpses of some dogs and rats and a multitude of wounded soldiers from the local garrison, some of whom could no longer stand. After a while, things calmed down, and we all returned to our beds. Of course I didn't try to do anything else that night; I already committed a big mistake by my careless exploration of the yard...
The following days were really hard for me; the baron's mother seemed to have forgotten my existence, and the steward bore no sympathy for me. On the contrary, due to my lack of skill in any kind of agricultural or household tasks, he had developed a terrible grudge against me. When he was convinced I was worthless at field labor and after I'd messed up all of Asta's pots and utensils in the kitchen, he sent me to clean the stables and help the horse caretaker.
I managed better there because I love horses, and although I couldn't claim to know much about their habits and sufferings at the time, I quickly earned the goodwill of the stableman, who, as you might have guessed, was also the master of the dogs. Soon enough, I could visit the kennel, accompanying the overseer, of course. I tried to get to know the hounds and become familiar with them. But despite my efforts, I couldn't win their trust, which, in hindsight, was to be expected—after all, I didn't particularly like dogs... In truth, deep inside, I even deeply hated these mongrels, given how they had been raised and trained; they probably felt my sentiments because, as you may know, the canine species can frequently sense people's hidden attitudes towards them...
All this time, I was under the observation of the old baroness who, since the memorable night of my arrival at their residence, had felt a certain distrust towards me. Beyond her limitations, she was a Wise Woman, and the disgusting creatures that had appeared and disappeared as if out of nowhere that night when I was so negligent and arrogant, made her have, if not some suspicions about me, fears that my presence there could be harmful to her and her family.
I suspected this and behaved as simply and even foolishly as possible throughout this probationary period. And finally, the day came when the grand lady deigned to descend among the small and insignificant beings who served her, and consequently, she visited the stables and asked me how I felt there. I fell to my knees before her, my eyes full of tears, and thanked her for offering me such an abundant life. I wasn't exaggerating entirely, keeping things in proportion; aside from the utter misery that reigned in the workers' dwellings, the food provided was both adequate and varied, and I could even say, if I overlooked the overwhelming amount of spicy seasonings, that it was quite tasty. She then asked me if Malacath had shown himself to me again, and I replied no. But immediately, putting on the most frightened expression possible, I told her that on the first night I slept inside the fortress, I dreamed of a giant green dragon surrounded by packs of rats. "Peryite..." she murmured.
Looking straight into her eyes, I infused her mind with the disgusting images of the rats that had overrun the manor courtyard that night. At the same time, I pretended to faint and collapsed at her feet. I knew I was taking an enormous risk—a woman like her might have seen this as a bad omen and considered my presence a grave danger to her and her family, given the dreadful connection to the enigmatic Peryite. But I also knew I had already lost too much time, far more than I had anticipated at the start of my ploy! Fortunately, the old lady reacted just as I had hoped. She ordered the valet accompanying her to carry me into the castle, straight to her maid's chamber. He placed me in the bed, then quietly left with her.
After not too much time, during which I had a chance to examine my surroundings, Yvonne, the maid, entered the room carrying two buckets of water, which she poured into a large tub in the corner. Then she addressed me:
"Undress and wash yourself! You're stinking up my room!" Then she began to giggle. "By the way, my name is Yvonne, and I'm supposed to teach you about the household chores around here. The Baroness told me you're a bit stupid, but I'll try to help. What's your name?"
"As...hivi, ma'am!" I stammered, then asked, "Will you beat me?" and looked at her innocently with wide eyes.
"Oh, no, definitely not! Unless you start first!" She laughed again. "Come on, undress and get in the tub! I'll help you wash!"
"I'm ashamed..." I stammered again.
"Oh, a shy and sensitive princess! Fine, I'll step out until you're done, and I need to bring you some new clothes anyway. Throw those rags you're wearing into this basket," she ordered, smiling.
I washed myself thoroughly, prolonging this pleasure as much as I dared, even cleaning and washing my wig. After dressing in the clothes Yvonne had brought, which she had discreetly placed near the wall after cracking the door open just a little, I felt like a human being again.
Then, the maid accompanied me through almost the entire residence, familiarizing me with all the rooms we had to clean, and during that time, she didn't stop talking for a moment. Yvonne was a very communicative girl, even a bit annoying in this regard. She had a sharp tongue and loved to gossip, and as I understood, she had a weakness for the Baron's youngest son, Sullius. Yvonne told me in detail about her masters' habits, the household routine, the meal schedule, and the magical pursuits of the old Baroness, whom she especially feared. She thoroughly explained our duties, and I tried to learn as much as possible by feigning naivety and slowness. Yvonne patiently clarified all aspects, and by evening, I knew the three male members of the family by their appearance.
Baron Herbert was a spectacular warrior, an enormous man with a thunderous voice, sparkling eyes, and above all, a rude joviality typical of many of these frontier warlords. He studied me with curiosity when he saw me for the first time and did not miss the opportunity to grope me publicly, with a shamelessness also typical of these country nobles.
His eldest son, Darius, was a younger copy of his father, except for the somber look in his eyes, which seemed dead and cold. The exuberant coarseness of his father was replaced in the young man by a cold and malevolent disdain, and his gaze passed over or through me as if I didn't even exist.
The youngest of the sons, Sullius, was a slender young man and seemed like an imp compared to the two massive figures who, apparently, despised him deeply. The father often addressed him with mocking jokes, and his older brother completely ignored him during the brief moments they spent together. But this young man, who seemed so harmless and lost in this family that respected and followed many of the customs typical of the Orc race, had lively eyes, so lively that they sometimes seemed like separate beings, apart from their owner, and often, when he thought no one was watching, small cunning and intelligent flames sparkled in them. Sullius cast me a brief yet piercing glance, and the shadow of a smile crept onto his lips. His gaze sent a shiver down my spine—it was just like a snake's, trying to hypnotize its prey. However, he quickly turned his eyes elsewhere, pretending to be interested in what was happening around him and eager to serve his father and brother's every wish.
At that moment, I knew that I had stayed here too long... The worry about my brother, whom I had left on the thin, oh, so thin line between life and death, was now joined by the certainty that I had very slim chances of leaving this place alive after completing my mission. I didn't spend much time thinking about the Duchess's involvement in the dreadful fate being prepared for me, and instead, I decided to act that very night, despite the risks involved in this desperate action.
I easily learned new things about Sullius from Yvonne, who was indeed happy to talk about him. I found out that the young man had strange interests since childhood and was very pleased after brutally torturing people, easily finding victims among the numerous prisoners captured or among the many fugitives from this unsafe border area. He also did a lot of strange research, according to Yvonne, whom he asked to buy various alchemical substances when she went with the old baroness to Bravil for big shopping trips. Books also, and the girl had to procure everything in secret, without the knowledge of her mistress. But the most interesting thing I found out about him was that he used to secretly cross the Black Marsh border sometimes, just to visit an ancient Daedric ruined shrine that existed there, very close to the frontier. This last piece of information confirmed my feeling that I should leave that place as soon as possible!
So, as soon as I was able to do that, I gathered all my rags from the basket Yvonne had taken to the temporary waste storage of the castle and got back to our room, pretending to fall into an early sleep. Thoughts raced wildly through my mind, and fear began to envelop me in its murky, cold embrace. I struggled to regain my composure and remember who I truly was—a mechanism built and perfectly shaped for such circumstances. Yvonne moved around the room quite a bit, even after the sounds of the party in the dining hall ceased and the mansion sank into the deceptive waters of sleep. She even tried to wake me, probably eager for conversation, but I pretended to be so exhausted and asleep that, in the end, she extinguished the lamp and got into her bed.
I waited a while longer until I heard her light, regular breathing that accompanies the sleep of young beings, then slipped out of bed and carefully left our room, onto the dimly lit corridor. I quietly walked towards the area where our masters lived, paying close attention to the guards who might have been patrolling inside; I didn't encounter any on my way, either because they had been intentionally removed that night, but more likely because residences like that don't use such guards. I quickly and easily fulfilled my goals, even using the daggers of my victims, and then slipped down from Darius's room window into the courtyard.
Around me, it was dark, as dark as only a deep and completely sealed pit could be; only the tiny drops from the waves of fog that haunted the compound shimmered ghostly in the faint glimmer of the torches that framed the residence's door. I paused for a moment, pondering my next move; the darkness was too profound to attempt an escape, and even on a bright night, the swamp with its narrow and winding path posed a mortal threat. But the idea of staying even a moment longer at the crime scene didn't appeal to me...
And then, a light that suddenly glowed at the window of Yvonne's room made me act quickly. I hurried towards Asta's kitchen and climbed onto its roof, an easy task since the building was the lowest in the entire enclosure and built from almost rotting beams in which my claws found ideal support. And I'm so small and slender... and much stronger than you might guess just by looking at me! I heard shouts and then the desperate scream of the old baroness; soldiers and servants, half-dressed, stormed into the courtyard, waving torches that barely dispelled the dark and only in very small areas. Sullius was among the first to exit the keep, but unlike the others, he was fully equipped in light, reinforced leather armor; he had his sword in its sheath at his waist and a bow in hand, as if he had been waiting for this moment. He shouted in his shrill voice, resembling the sound a large glass plate makes when it shatters into dozens of pieces:
"Catch the murderer! She killed my beloved father and brother! Arrest my grandmother immediately! She brought the murderess into our house!"
One of the men then stepped towards Sullius and said, "You have no right to arrest our mistress, young master! She will decide who takes the old Lord's place!"
"I have no right? Of course, I do!" replied Sullius, and he plunged his dagger into the man's chest.
Immediately, some of the soldiers in the courtyard attacked the others, killing them. Instead of looking around for me, they searched the castle for the master-at-arms, dragged him into the courtyard, and beheaded him. I then saw them take the old Baroness, bound tightly and with a sack over her head, to the entrance of the castle's dungeons, where they pushed her in without ceremony. The servants had all come out into the courtyard and stood frozen, staring at the bloodied yard and the scattered corpses. In the reddish torchlight, filtered through the mist's waves that wrapped the courtyard in their damp arms, the scene was indeed a nightmare.
"What are you doing here?" Sullius snapped at them. "Get back to your rooms and sleep."
"And you," he said, addressing the soldiers, "have you found the murderer?"
"No, my lord, not a trace of her... I beg you, have mercy on us!" responded a huge Orc stepping forward and immediately falling to his knees.
"For now, I forgive you! Especially you, my faithful Yagur! From now on, you will be the new master-at-arms of the estate! Gather all the guards, bring down those useless archers from the towers, and all of you, go to sleep, you useless imbeciles! I'll find and kill her myself, with my powers!"
"Yes, my lord!" replied Yagur, kneeling again and kissing Sullius's hand.
At that moment, I knew what was coming next and waited half amused and half embarrassed for the young scoundrel to find me. But still, something completely unexpected awaited me, because, as I would soon discover, Sullius was no ordinary rascal!
He took a small crystal orb from a leather pouch he wore at his waist and moved it around him. Small multicolored sparks began to emerge from the enchanted orb, and most of them gathered into a thin, narrow thread that started to wave toward Asta's kitchen. The young man followed the path woven by the tiny sparks and kicked open the kitchen door. Then, in a voice that pierced my ears, he shouted, "Hey, old hag, get out of here and help Yvonne prepare the bodies of my father and brother for burning. And move faster, you old witch, I want everything ready by morning!"
Asta grumbled as she shuffled toward the castle gate; Sullius waited for a moment inside the kitchen, then left, and whistled softly, his voice surprisingly pleasant this time, though to me it still sounded like an entire pit full of snakes performing their mating rituals:
"Hey, lady, stay where you are until I prepare a horse for you by the gate! Dawn is not far off, so if you head towards the village now, you'll be at the swamp's edge exactly when the sun rises. Look in the saddlebags; you'll find a seal to show any sentry that stops you, and some gold. Ah, the dough is not for your butchery but for the extraordinary entertainment you provided with all the fuss you made trying to get into our mansion. You might as well have come dressed like a lady and as an envoy of our gracious Duchess, and you would have finished the job on the first night. But probably, you didn't trust me! And you were right, as I was firmly determined to kill you then. Afterward, of course! Still, I had not decided how to kill you and how long it should last! But now, after watching with delight all your pretenses and hypocritical pleas, I've decided that you're a woman I like! So, go free my little bird, fly as fast as you can, and convey the most humble bows to the Duchess from her most loyal and obedient servant, Baron Sullius Ivanovic!"
He left the kitchen; shortly after, I heard a faint whistle from the gate and then I cautiously descended from the roof where I had felt so ridiculous moments before... I went through the courtyard toward the spot where the faint snorting of a horse could be heard.
The mare was tied up right next to the gates, which the young Baron had so politely opened wide. I glanced around, sniffing the air suspiciously, trying to sense any lurking threat—but I felt nothing. That was strange, considering Sullius was definitely nearby... Wasting no time, I untied the horse and leaped into the saddle, spurring her into a gallop despite the lingering darkness, which had begun to lift ever so slightly.
The Baron let out a loud, mocking laugh... I kept racing down the hill, my heart pounding, his jeering laughter echoing behind me. Once again, I felt utterly ridiculous; even my cheeks were burning with shame! But then, something shifted— I realized that I had met a rascal even worse than myself, and now I couldn't understand what had made me feel ashamed in the first place! The absurdity of it all struck me, and before I knew it, I was laughing too—a wild, uncontrollable laughter that seemed to release the tension coiled inside me over that dreadful night.
As I ran, Masser hung low in the sky, casting long shadows over the landscape; the Baron's laughter faded, but mine continued, a deep, belly laugh that shook me to my core. I stopped only when I understood that this double murder—executed in the most embarrassing and foolish way possible by me, who had once thought myself a master of such arts—was, in truth, a lesson. A real course in humility, taught to me by our Mother. This was not just an embarrassing failure; it was a gift. A reminder that even the most skilled can falter and that there is wisdom in humility...
In her great care for her beloved children, our Lady had insisted on proving beyond any doubt that I am merely an imperfect tool and that my mind is nowhere near as brilliant as I had previously thought. She also clearly showed me that my nerves, which I had considered to be made of steel, are still weak and that, despite the disdain for the life I had shown since my beloved family was cruelly slaughtered by the monks of the Order of Stendarr, I still wanted, desperately wanted, to live! But at least this aspect is not surprising, being a law of nature that governs all of us who are cursed to die, especially the young and healthy! We want, we desperately want to live at least one more day and walk our Golgotha to the end...
Oh, I've digressed once again! I'm so sorry, my friends! Let's get back to the story! As I galloped, the weight of the night lifted, leaving me lighter, wiser, and ready to face whatever came next. The horse relied on its instincts, but once in the village, it slowed to a trot, carefully treading the road paved with wooden planks that echoed deeply in the silence from before dawn.
The soldiers at the village exit stopped me for inspection, and among them, I recognized the one who had been so kind to me on that day when my pitiful adventure began. I rummaged through the mare's saddlebags and found a fairly heavy pouch; there could have been a few hundred septims in there. I took it out and handed it to the soldier.
"He's not the boss here, I am!" barked a tall Argonian.
"Then, for you, I have this!" I said and handed him the seal.
He examined it carefully, and after returning it to me, he gestured for me to continue on my way. The old soldier, with overwhelming astonishment painted on his face, whispered, "But, my lady..."
"I'm just returning the bag you kindly gave me that day, good man! It's true, it's much smaller now, but perhaps you'll forgive me for that!" I said with a smile and spurred my horse.
Meanwhile, dawn had broken, and the mare confidently trotted along the narrow path that crossed the swamp. It was a morning that promised a clear day, and although here, in this wooded and swampy land, sunlight usually struggles to break through, now cheerful rays of light danced among the contorted branches of trees that had hungrily stretched their limbs toward the sky.
Even the birds, the very ones typical of such places that are gloomy by their nature, had started their morning concert in an unstoppable rush that delighted my ears. My soul was light and not at all troubled by the two bloody murders I had committed... Not even the slaughter that followed on that dreadful night, nor the terrible fear that had gripped me in the last few hours, could disturb the peace that was gradually settling over my conscience. I felt Nocturnal's gentle fingers lightly and lovingly caressing my hair, and in my mind, I heard her sweet voice whispering words of encouragement.
Along the way, I was stopped several times by soldiers who appeared out of nowhere just when I least expected that; they all saluted me, bowing deeply when I showed them the seal given to me by the young Baron. For Sullius was now a baron, and I was firmly convinced that he possessed all the qualities necessary to become a prominent politician in his land! Now, my friends, you may replace the term "qualities" with any other word you deem appropriate...
The guards at the last guard post, the one near the tall tower that watched over the surroundings, retained the seal, saluted me with deep bows, and wished me a "safe and pleasant journey."
I then rode right to the tree where I had hidden my clothes and my beloved dagger, the gift from my mother Alisanne, and there I stopped. I changed my clothes, stuffing my rags and the servant's clothes from the castle into the same hollow, and then curiously checked the horse's saddlebags. As I expected, inside I found food and even a flask of drink.
I hesitated for a moment but then burst out laughing and took a hearty swig from the flask. 'I would soon find out if Sullius had prepared any surprises for me...', I thought. Then I continued my journey, galloping when the wide road opened before me.
I was still so naive back then... Nocturnal later told me that She and Her dear friend, Mephala, had quite a laugh at my expense during this contract fulfillment!
Much later, in different and completely unexpected circumstances, I was to meet Sullius again! But let's not get ahead of ourselves...
I traveled without any problems or incidents along the wide, dusty road of the Empire, and when the sun began to set and the shadows of evening stretched their ghostly fingers over the land, I dismounted near Cheydinhal's ducal stables.
I handed the horse reins to the old stable hand who came out to meet me and, with a smile, said, "I took a horse from here some time ago. I'm bringing another one in return now!"
The old man looked at me with shy eyes, visibly paled, and shuddered... He took the reins with a trembling hand and then walked away with hesitant steps toward the stable.