The morning after Naruto returned to the village, he climbed up to the attic and pulled out a pirated Akatsuki cloak, throwing it over himself with flair. He was ready—ready to join the most righteous Akatsuki organization in the entire ninja world at a moment's notice.
Since Sasuke had been roped into helping clean up Konoha's streets, Naruto had no choice but to embark on the noble mission of recruiting Akatsuki members... alone.
---
"Who the hell is out there pretending to be me?!"
Kakuzu stared at the corpses sprawled around him, deep in thought.
It all started two years ago when Kakuzu visited the underground money exchange like he always did. That's when he saw it—his own name on a bounty poster.
Five hundred and forty million ryo.
At one point, he even outranked the Tailed Beast Jinchurikis from several villages—and Asuma Sarutobi, who seemed to have a permanent spot on the list.
He was at the top of the bounty rankings!
In that moment of financial temptation, Kakuzu had actually considered turning himself in for the reward.
But then reality hit: five hearts, only one head. No replacements available.
So, reluctantly, he gave up on the idea.
Which led to the obvious question…
Why is my head worth so much?!
Before he could figure it out, he was attacked 37 times that same day. Shinobi from Mist, Iwa, Sand, Cloud—even Konoha—came after him like they were offering two-for-one coupons on his corpse.
Eventually, after a particularly brutal battle in the Land of Grass, the bounty hunters from the major villages finally stopped chasing him.
Why? Who knows.
But Kakuzu finally realized the truth—someone had been impersonating him and robbing places under his name.
Unbelievable!
Not only had he been blamed for crimes he didn't commit, but he hadn't even seen a single ryo from it!
He could feel all five of his hearts teetering on the edge of cardiac arrest.
"Bastard!"
"You better pray I don't catch you, kid!"
"Because if I do, it's over for you!"
Now, only the sweet promise of gold missions could soothe Kakuzu's shattered spirit.
He thought of the current assignment from his leader: gather intel on the Nine-Tails Jinchuriki. He pulled out a photo of a blond kid, burned the image into his mind, and set off toward the gold exchange office.
Apparently, the Nine-Tails Jinchuriki's bounty was second only to his own...
Might as well make some extra money while he's at it.
---
While Kakuzu was focused on that blond kid's face, Uzumaki Naruto was already standing in the underground gold exchange, curiously eyeing the bounty board.
Kakuzu — 540 million ryo.
Uzumaki Naruto — 200 million ryo.
Uchiha Sasuke — 190 million ryo.
Hatake Kakashi — 150 million ryo.
Naruto wasn't surprised that he, Sasuke, and Kakashi were on the list. Team 7 had always been a little too good at their jobs—envy was inevitable.
It made sense that someone had put a price on their heads.
What Naruto did find funny, though, was the bounty on a certain pink-haired teammate.
Haruno Sakura — 200 ryo.
Two hundred ryo.
Not even enough for four bowls of ramen.
Sasuke's bounty might've been insulting, but Sakura's was just tragic.
Even better was the bounty description:
> Haruno Sakura is suspected to be a peripheral member of the most evil Scientific Truth Society in the current ninja world…
Excuse me? Wasn't this an insult to Brother Sasuke?
Wasn't he the former leader of that organization?
And from the way this bounty poster was shoved in a corner and covered in dust, it was obvious nobody even bothered to notice it. Less than four bowls of ramen—no one was risking their life for that.
Still, Naruto decided to keep it in mind for Sakura's safety. He'd remind her to stop yelling about "catching up" to him and Sasuke all the time.
"Brother Sakura, your bounty isn't even a fraction of ours..."
---
"Move it, brat."
A rough voice snapped Naruto out of his thoughts. He didn't even have to turn around—just a glance from the corner of his eye revealed the unmistakable red clouds on black robes.
Kakuzu.
Jackpot.
He didn't expect to run into a real Akatsuki member the moment he came to scout around. What luck!
Kakuzu also noticed the blond-haired boy. Their eyes met, and for a brief moment, the world fell silent.
What luck!
It's Uzumaki Naruto, the Nine-Tails Jinchuriki!
Kakuzu's eyes narrowed slightly. The fingers at his side twitched, ready to strike at a moment's notice.
Then...
Something truly baffling happened.
"Hello, senior!"
"Please let me join your organization!"
"I'm Kurosaki Ichigo, a ninja from the Hidden Grass Village! I've been training for two and a half years!"
Kakuzu: ???
He froze.
Did the Nine-Tails Jinchuriki just say his name was… Kurosaki Ichigo?
Kakuzu stood in silence, briefly abandoning the thought of taking action.
With how earnest the kid looked, even he started wondering if he had the wrong guy.
He fumbled through his cloak and pulled out the photo of the Nine-Tails Jinchuriki, glancing between it and the boy standing in front of him.
The photo showed a kid around thirteen, but it was unmistakably the same person.
What's going on here?
Is he playing with me?
Also… weren't all the Grass Village shinobi dead?
Kakuzu hated this kind of thing—impostors pretending to be someone else.
He stared coldly at Naruto, the killing intent around him starting to grow.
"You're sure your name is Kurosaki Ichigo?"
"Yes, senior!"
"Please let me help you protect the world!"
"I want to be a hero too!"
Kakuzu paused again.
A hero?
Protect the world?
What the hell kind of version of Akatsuki did this kid think he was joining?
Wasn't their goal to capture the tailed beasts and wage war on the major villages?
Kakuzu suddenly felt very old.
Was he the weird one now? Or were kids just built different these days?
He opened his mouth but said nothing. Yet somehow, that silence said everything.
"Uzumaki Naruto."
"Do you even hear yourself right now?"
"I might be old, but I'm not blind."
Finally fed up, Kakuzu shoved the bounty photo in Naruto's face and pointed to the bounty board beside them.
He wasn't buying a word of this nonsense.
In fact, he was certain.
This Uzumaki Naruto... has something seriously wrong with his head.
Naruto looked down at the photo Kakuzu held, and his cheerful smile slowly faded.
"Heh."
"I've been looking for you."
As Kakuzu stood there dumbfounded, kunai already in hand, he made his move.
He lunged, aiming right for Naruto's neck—
But just as the blade was about to graze his skin…
He stopped.
Because suddenly, Naruto—who had been empty-handed moments ago—was now holding a solid gold brick.
...
"Senior, can I join you?"
﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌
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