Hey hey!
I hope that this newest entry finds you well!
This may be one of the last parts to the "Lost pages" branch lol, but I am not sure, I will look through the pile of loose papers I have and see if I missed a couple.
I will let you all get to it, no need to hold you around these parts lol.
I'll catch you on the way out.
Enjoy.
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March XX, 2012.
Journal #XXX.
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I am very, very tired...
I don't know where my energy is coming from, but I hope it doesn't fade before 8 like I believe it will...
Ugh.
I guess a part of me looks forward to this weekend.
I hope all goes well!
I couldn't sleep last night for some odd reason.
XXXXX...the memories hurt a lot...I fight them off, or try to, but it's hard.
XXXXX, I ask you more for your help.
Whatever you can spare.
I feel weird as of late.
It really feels like someone is looking for me.
I can't explain that feeling...
She used me.
But karma is an amazing thing!
She's stuck.
Broken.
"Some sort of comfort in your pain, I can't help from taking."
You have no right to miss me.
You lied right to my face before you kissed me.
Now you regret your decisions you made
But only over Facebook
You had fun with the games you played
Not caring for the heart you took.
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This next piece was/is based on a very vivid dream.
I am not sure it was written on the same day as this post due to it not being dated.
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Where were you when the crane came down?
Were you in your home?
Down the street?
In that crowd?
How did you feel when those fires spread?
Did you fear the heat?
Or the screams of the burning dying slowly...
filled with dread?
Did you run as I did when the spotlights came?
When the ships appeared with their massive frames?
Did you fear how I feared when the crane came down?
Were you home?
In the streets?
Trapped within that crowd?
Who knows what they came for?
Who knows what they want?
To enslave humanity?
A massive war front?
Did you run as I ran when they launched their attack?
Take hold of fallen friends and flee, never to look back?
Did you fear as I feared when the crane came down?
Were you lost in the crowd in the midst of the burning town?
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Another poem. I believe lol.
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Raindrops cloud her vision as she makes her way down gray street.
She passes on without a sound, all of the people she will never meet.
-
She only cries when it rains so that the world can't see her tears.
It's nothing new, she's always been this way.
Through days, and months, and years.
-
And in the background, she just sits while bigger players take the stage.
People are chapters in her book, but to others, she's just a page.
-
She never hesitates, just looks.
As all the world plays out its rage.
-
While silently her soul just sleeps
Her heart locked firmly in a cage.
-
She never lets loose her emotions,
Never lets anyone near.
-
Never grasps any real notions,
To her, her place was always clear.
-
When were you born?
How did you make it?
You were not torn,
How did you take it?
-
Your heart was pure.
A sign of evil.
You past the moments
Awaiting upheaval.
-
They tried to take you.
Turn your soul.
Make you like them.
Break your mold.
-
Oh, but you did it.
You fought the fire.
Held your ground.
Vowed not to fire.
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Aaaaaand one more lol.
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You're just someone that I used to know.
You kept me in the dark while you put on a show.
And I know
You were never real, so I am letting you go.
-
You're just someone that I used to love.
I thought maybe you fell from the heavens above.
And I know
You stabbed me in the back, then you buried the glove.
-
You're just someone that I used to believe.
You played me like a fool, had your cards up your sleeve...
And I know
I gave you honesty, yet you had to deceive.
Now you're just someone that I used to know.
Used to love.
Used to believe.
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Yeah lol.
Well, that was a trip, right?
My writing style has definitely changed and evolved over the years, I can say that much lol.
A lot more of a...darker, heavier tone, I think.
Outside of the ones about sex/intimacy.
Nonetheless, I still write.
It is not only how I vent and express my emotions, it's one of my love languages.
My poetry and short stories are also my contribution to this planet.
I don't have kids, nor do I think that I will be blessed to have any in this lifetime of mine.
I was a Teacher for quite some time, and that filled the void, if only temporarily lbvs.
I just don't think that a child was written in my star chart, you know?
Such is life!
The fact that my content has a small and dedicated readership is good enough for me.
-The first part was about a young lady whom I had been engaged to that previous summer.
I am sure that more than enough of these journal entries are about her lbvs, at least some of the earlier parts.
I had fallen in love with her despite every fiber of my soul screaming at me not to. It fell apart just as quickly as that summer ended.
"This is the story of a lad and a lass.
Of a love long lost, of a spring long past.
Theirs was a unity that could not last.
One made of rubber, the other of glass."
I was never meant to marry her.
The Universe had different plans for me.
For my heart.
Plans that...I don't know if I would have agreed with.
But who of us chooses to be born?
Exactly.
Some things are out of our hands, you know?
We can't fight fate, folks.
-The second part was just a dream lol. I recall this dream.
I remember waking up and writing that poem so that the dream would be remembered.
It worked lol.
It was a weird, wild, vivid dream.
It felt far too real at the time.
I remember the clouds parting and the massive ships tumbling toward Earth, lasers and such targeting humans and structures.
It was crazy lol.
Or maybe I am?
My imagination is wild.
A gift and a curse, I assure you lol.
These sorts of dreams were what I dealt with BEFORE I became one who partakes in the usage of reefer lol.
I like the word reefer, sounds old.
-The third part/poem?
For my most recent fiancé.
That was my perception of her back then, before we...Before I found myself falling in love with her.
It feels unfinished, but could/should I bother now?
I feel as if it would be strange to complete something that was started so long ago, and with a whole different view of the world.
-The last one?
Another exe lmao.
Sadly, one that I can't recall.
You know something? It may have just been written while I was in some mood. I does sound like a song I heard once.
Or twice.
It was an older song that I used to know.
lol.
I will leave you all at that.
As a writer of sorts, I like to believe that poetry is best left to one's own perception, you know?
Thank you all for suffering these old pages with me lol.
Just a few more, yeah?
I will see you all back here soon enough.
Till then?
Safe travels, folks.
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.