"Helium -sia"
9th September 2023
"I told you to hire a good event planner for my brunch next week" I shove my decor idea file into Zaid's hands.
"I'm sorry ay, I was busy-"
"Passing out somewhere?" I roll my eyes. "You said you'd quit, but no- Mister zaid does what he wants."
Zaid have been friends with me since the first year of university, I'm lucky because he helped me through all the procdure of my business's beginning.
Including financial management. He's tall, tan skin, and what every lady likes, has tattoos all over his left arm, neck and I think his chest, I haven't seen it but he brags about it all the time.
"I'm tryin okay!" He opens my file. "So this is the finalised version?"
"Yes, please keep in mind- I want this to be the best event ever!"
"Keepin it strong in my memory" He stalutes
me. "Did you got in contact with Aliya?" He looks at me with concern with his green siren eyes.
"Yeah, she's been super busy with her work, the last I saw her was when we went hunting for buildings." I drop down my bag to collect some money out of it.
"I'm still a little in shock with her doin all the business tricks correctly." He squints his eyes suspiciously.
"She's smart."
"Oh Come on ay, you can't lie to me, you did all of her work."
"Zaid I don't want you to remind me or her that- it sounds like I'm rubbing a favor on her face."
"as you say.. so is that guy comin too?"
"Who?"
"The one you won't stop talkin about in collage."
"Oh my god zaid- Don't bring that up, that was like years ago."
"What was his name again-? Cam?"
"Sam." I say low, even though no one is listening.
"So is he comin?"
"Yes" I blush.
"Oh ay- you're embarrassing"
"No I'm not- shut up."
"Zipped." He zips his lips.
I get a text message from him, and a suddan burst of energy hit me, made me want to loudly express the long lost feeling.
"Yay! My brother is on his way, I should start preparing for opening ceremony quickly"
This is it-
My day has finally come!
Today's the opening of my restaurant, I'm so excited I can't even stand staight.
I've been waiting like a gillion years for this moment to arrive, now that I finally see myself as a business woman, I've realised there's more to life, but somehow we always keep that part of ourselves hidden, today I won't hide, I'll stand tall and I'll shine bright.
"I'll get goin now, it's your special evening, be with your family."
He's right.
"Okay, I'll see you next week on brunch." We fist bump and he leaves from the back door.
A car came through and parks in the parking lot.
I can recognise that car from a mile away, I've been waiting for them every year. mostly only Ifan visits me, every twice a year, even when I lived in dorm room.
But If we talk about Sam, he also used to visit me with Ifan in the beginning but through time to time, he stopped visiting, this time it's the longest we've stayed apart, Sam's coming after about three whole years. I didn't cared about him much anyway, expect for the fact I have—had a gigantic crush on him.
The only person I waited for was and is Ifan, they're both basically like my parents to be honest, Ifan's like a mother and Sam is like a father but that's so weird to say now that we're older.
I can't wait for them to take a look inside- no one talks about how tiring it is to keep up with the consistency of building a business from a wool to a full piece of clothing, It's a metaphor, I use, if not underst
It takes mental stability to form a piece like this- I've done it, and I know the struggle of it. The whole process takes a part of our souls and dissolves it into a pattern of losing, and losing, till one day you get up and decide, there's no failing left to see. You wrap yourself in your compassion and you create the most original piece of yourself in any specific project.
And so, now there's only one thing to left for me to see and that's going up.
I've achieved it- I can literally cry right now.
I've managed it all, The frontyard is almost done but the interior of my restaurant needs serious furnishing. That's why I've called them so impulsively, they don't know it yet but they'll be helping me decor, I've by far almost bought everything, so only problem left is that everything's still packed, ready to be unboxed, and I'm too lazy to do it all on my own, I could hire staff but I want them to do it, I want them involved, besides I don't have that kind of money to hire anyone.
I walk towards the car but I stop mid way when I see them getting out, Sam takes his foot out, he grips the door frame and stepped out of the car.
Since when did he made such biceps? he's wearing a simple black t-shirt but it's tighter on him, making his chest look puffed, and a slight visibility of his abs, he looks like a totally different man than what I remember. He opened the back door of his car, and took out his black leather jacket and throws it over his shoulder.
I mean— I won't lie, I don't like him like that anymore, it was just a stupid fiveteen year old crush..
ugh fine, maybe twenty years of crush as well.
Or maybe..
Maybe, still now?
I don't know! I'm screwed.
He's jaw dropping, like lana del rey gorgeous, in general.
I shake my head to get out of that feeling. Think of something else..
They must be jet legged, I'll prepare food for them, after all I do own a restaurant.
Or..
I'll just order some food.
I see Ifan as causal, always a cutie, waves from a far with a huge smile on his face, Sam turned around when Ifan pointed at me,
And he smiled as soon as he saw me.
Dimples—
Ah not the dimples please.
He walks, throwing a wave towards me.
I'm standing, but I can't seem to hold it in, I'm on cloud nine, so I run to Ifan, jumping on him for a hug, he carries me up, my feets are floating a inch from the ground, Ifan excitedly wobbles me around, he tightened his grip, and we both laugh it out. "Its so good to see you!" Ifan puts me down, my hair gets messed up, I'm smiling so hard right now, from ear to ear, my jaw hurts.
"You should take a look inside!" I say.
"oh I'll be the first" Ifan move passed us leaving me and Sam behind.
God don't leave us alone, as if it isn't awkward already enough.
I look up to get a glimpse of him and I catch him already looking at me, my cheeks flushed immediately, my tinted nose feels like its burning. His dusty brown messy hair, sharp jaw, and foxy eyes. I examined that much of him in a second- a whiff of him and my heart gets strangled.
He took a step furtherer, and my held my breath in when his warm hands, gently brushed hair out of my face and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, my eyes followed his hand, his little laugh when he pets my head went right through my chest.
I laugh, too. Nervously tucking my already tucked hair behind my ear.
It's been so long since I've seen him, it isn't as awkward as I thought it'd be, It's fresh and bringing feelings that still were to be unlocked.
As much as I don't want to do anything with my past- it's hard to forget how I had a baby crush on him back when we were children, I was nine and he had a skateboard, like an actual skateboard he used to carry with him all the time, How was I supposed to not like him? He was thirteen, mischievous, funny, and always getting in trouble.
But those feelings faded away quick after he became a teenager, and my uncle banned me from going outside.
As much as those slight feelings for him felt pretty back then, It shouldn't now- because nothing from my past is worth keeping, no feelings, no memories. None of it.
I hit him with my elbow annoyingly. "Way to go bro"
bro?
What the heck does bro has to do with this sentence?
"Let's see what you've done so far." He says "bro" He teasingly said, squinting his eyes with a smrik on his face and walked ahead.
Why was that ligit so awkward!? ew, ew, ew!
I hate whatever happend.
I shiver in disgust to myself.
"Are you coming or no" Sam called me
"yeah I'm coming" I rushed behind him.
My restaurant is in the busy city but because my front yard and parking lot are marginally large, it feels and looks pretty natural. I've even set some pairs of chairs outside which looks so luna core, it's cute.
My front yard has fairy lights decorated on trees, so when the sun goes down it all looks dreamy and put together.
I've done a good job I'd say.
As soon as we reach inside, there's a pile of boxes laying everywhere, many of those boxes just arrived yesterday.
Online shopping is my speciality. "Okay let's unbox" I sat down on my knees and began untaping them.
"You called to clean this up?" Ifan shockingly sat down on one of the chairs which still needs to get unwrapped and placed to its right spot.
"Yeah what else." I rolled my eyes.
"okay then, let's get your boxes to their right places." Sam puts down his jacket.
That's it? I didn't even get to convince him?he's already ready?
"no, please I'm too tried." Ifan dramaticly slipped down the chair, stomping his feet annoyingly.
"You're so dramatic." I pulled his hand to get him up. "You my brother will be putting the chairs together, in the frontyard." I ordered Ifan. "Roger." Ifan sluggishly left. The sittings are already placed they just need decorating like sheets dripping down and flower vases. That's an easy job for him.
"What's my task?" Sam took a package and began reading the label on it. "Colth?" He raised his eyebrow.
"For the kitchen." I said. He peaked through the package.
"Anyway, you and I, we need to put these cookware and dinnerware boxes in the kitchen." I smile wide, to tease of course. "okay, you go ahead." He said without looking at me. Is he testing me? I confusingly bend down to grab a box, I immediately tried to carry it from the top which made my feet twist. "Oh god" Sam said "sweetheart this isn't how you're supposed to carry a box." He said, standing infront of me. "Grab the sides first." And suddanly his voice became so concentrated.
"Here, I'll cover this end, you grab the front end, on the count of three okay?" He said, I nod, I do as he says, I grab the front end sides. "One, two and three" we both pull it up at the same time. He's walking backwards, and kept looking back at his steps, where as I kept looking at him.
He isn't the same. His sharp jaw, muscular biceps and brown eyes. I always knew something about him was so.. fine.
But at the same time I was always too shy to look at him, till today, till now that I see him, I know I didn't have a crush for no reason.
His voice is so gentle makes me want to do what he says.
No wonder why I liked him most of my childhood.
We put the box down. "See, two is always better than one." He smiled. "I'll see what I can do in the hallway." He said and stepped outside.
In the meantime, I placed some cookware in the cabinets beneath the stove.
"Hey ayat, where can I put this lamp?" I hear Sam calling me from outside the hall.
There's a mid window craved in-between the walls of kitchen and hall, so that I can see customers. I see Sam through it, working. "Right beside the corner table." I yell so that he hears.
He dropped a box down in exhaustion and stood staight, cracking his knuckles first then
wipes sweat off of his forehand with his hand and took of his jacket.
I should look away, I really should.
I start to clean my newly bought mugs to distract myself but curiosity is a bitch, I can't help but to peak through the corner of my eye,
he is straightening his shirt down his body, he wipes his face with the back of his arm, his biceps flexing slightly as he did so.
Sweat drips down his packs and.. I look away, it's wrong, he's Ifan's bestfriend, it's sinful to even think about that.
But He makes me remember when I was sixteen and forcefully getting married- that day the idea of marriage and men became utterly disturbing and absurd to me- and the only thing I could think of when I was being displaced as a counterpiece to those guests was- how my thirteen year self loved the idea of marriage, dresses and flowers, how I used to daydream about Sam asking me to marry him- it wasn't because he was the only guy in my life beside my brother- I felt that way because he was the only guy who was the most nicest to me after my brother.
I thought I would've forgotten about all those feelings when I came and studied here but he brings it all back with him.
I remember how I loved eating those heart shaped hard candies, so he named me after it- sweetheart.
How I was super mean to him because I didn't learn to express myself any other way- everyone was mean to each other, I thought if I had shown even a hint of adoreness, it would've made me seem pathetic.
I shake my head in denial because I don't want to feel that way again- I start putting away new dishes onto the upper shelves after unboxing them, they're brand new so I got to be extra careful with them.
My hand can't reach the upper shelve, It's so annoying, I try standing on my tippy toes. "Wait, let me help you" out of nowhere Sam showed up behind me to get my grip straight, his body brushed mine and he slowly takes the plate I was holding, out of my hand, while we're both in the position to not move.
He moved his arm across mine, slighty touching my arm, and I'm getting goosebumps, that's so embarrassing.
But He's careful, his lips besides my ear, a bit high, as he's taller.
His warm breath touched my baby hair, and I might explode with compassion I so awkwardly feel.
I slightly turned my face around, and I can see his jaw clenched, my feet got in between his legs.
I can't go anywhere now, He placed the plate on one of the top shelves, his other hand is placed on the counter with his grip tight.
My back is clearly touching his.. uhm lower abdomen.
so I turn around, all the way- because I can't breathe with his lower body touching me, but once I turned around- I realise this position is worse.
He's too close-
he looked down at me.
"You can move back now" I let out a nervous laugh. He laughed and took a step back. "See, it wasn't that hard" he said.
"Try being 5'4" I say, he tsk with his tongue, sarcasticly feeling sorry.
"Well I personally think your height looks pretty good on you." His eyes drew a lazy trail down the length of my body, with his smile upside down
"You're not so bad yourself" I say. He's almost 6'1.
"What are those!" We flinched, hearing Ifan yelling from the hallway, we both walked outside to him. "What's wrong?" I ask. "Why is this box so giant? what did you bought this huge!?" Ifan blinked twice, as if he had seen a ghost.
"It's a showpiece" I laugh at him.
"What is it? A human statue?" Ifan being shocked is hilarious.
"I don't know, find out for yourself" I said, and crossed my arms.
"When's the opening anyway?" Sam asked, maybe he's asking to have more time.
"I'm thinking tomorrow?" I stroke my chin.
I don't know depends on how they'll manage to decor, if in time or not.
"You should do the ceremony this evening and open for real tomorrow." Ifan suggested.
"Do you think we can get all of this done by evening?" I'm shocked at how relaxed they are.
"Yeah one hundred percent. It's twelve oclock, sure we can make it work by six." Ifan said.
"Then get back to work, You both unbox this, I'll take a good look of the roof top" I waved them bye.
Any reason to escape physical labor, I use it passionately.
. . . .
"Girl are you serious?" Aliya dramatically asked. I'm on a phone call with her, she's one of the closest friends I have.
After we shared a dorm room for 4 years, we became the closest, which I'm not too sure about now- I question it. It's been a long time since she came to see me.
"I know right!" I realese a squeaky excited scream and she followed me.
Our relation wasn't like this when we were in collage-
I shouldn't question it- people grow out of relations when they grow apart, its normal.
Back in collage, I was always so focused on getting out of there, on working extremely hard to make my own profits, I forgot I had to build a social life as well- so I didn't, which is why it's become hard for me to communicate now.
I somtimes feel like I may have suppressed myself too much.
I worked two part-time jobs at once, studied at libraries in the remaining hours of my day, which made me self conscious, that I couldn't make friends, I couldn't join them in gathering or parties, it wasn't because I was shy but because I was so not interested.
I know that sounds petty and lame but the thing is- I was scared.
I know Ifan left me for a good reason, for my safety and education but-
They still left me though.
I felt like a burden- a burden they had to handle, and when they couldn't longer carry me with them, they left me here- alone.
I grew out of that mentality, I learned it was for the best for me.
I don't blame Ifan or Sam for feeling that way- but I was lonely, I could hear my own thoughts, it was shallow, my heart felt so silenced and hallow.
Don't get me wrong, I was super goofy with people I did became friends with.
Aliya was the only one I had at the end of the day and I'm greatful she was because at least I had one ear to listen me talk gibberish about everything- and I won't lie, I envied her in the beginning, she had the perfect parents, perfect house, and perfect everything, But living with her I realised everyone's got it rough through some patches of life, And that's okay. I learned to be an empth, I now see why I don't need to dislike my life so much.
What my uncle and aunt did was utterly disgusting but I have no gruges against them now that I've became a grown cerebral woman with my own ready to start restaurant.
Besides it was never about Ifan not being able to give me the love of a mother, he was a child himself, what could he possibly do more than what he has already done for me.
He never made me feel abandoned, he too needed a mother, and so does Sam.
What bothers me, is that after earning, Ifan could've lived with me.
He didn't bother to look for a place here, to be near me,
To be with me.
"Yes! Everything's almost done." I blushed. "When's the opening?"
"We're thinking tomorrow!"
"You should do the ceremony now and open tomorrow." Aliya said.
"Yeah that's what Ifan was saying too."
"Where is your brother now?"
I knew she'd ask that which is why I mentioned him, she had a crush on my brother when he used to visit me, That's so dumb but at the same time it's cute, too.
I told her Ifan wasn't looking for anything serious, I don't know if he is now or not, but I don't want Aliya to wait for him, she said it wasn't her first crush so she'll get over it.
"He's with Sam, they're busy understanding my lamp's instructions." I laughed.
"Is he single?"
"Unfortunately he still is." I laugh again, I can't help it.
"I want to meet him." She said.
"You can! I'm planning a brunch event next week, I called you to invite you."
"A fancy brunch?"
"Yeah!"
"Where did you manage that kind of money?"
What?
My stomach immediately tangled into a knot.
"What do you mean? I've worked for it."
"Oh, okay, I just thought maybe zaid led you some again."
I inhale a deep breath in.
"It was one time." I nervously tried to laugh it off.
It's okay, maybe she's concerned.
Yeah thats probably it.
"So are you coming?" I asked.
"Yes! We'll have so much fun!"
"Yay!" I do a lazy celebration, I feel like that one comment of hers made me drain my energy.
Let's not let it ruin our day.
After what feels like years, everything's finally set to their right places, I'm blushing so hard, it's finally the moment! There's a red ribbon on the main door attached with one end to another. It all looks so pretty, its very demure, very mindful. this is actually the best day of my life. I'm flabbergasted, I feel bamboozled!Hundred feeling at once, I feel I might explode.
Ifan's standing right beside me with a huge pair of gray scissors. Sam's on the other side carrying a camera, making documentary. My voice might come out all squeaky because I just love it.
Every bit of it.
"okay on the count of three, you'll cut the ribbon." Ifan hands me the scissors. "Hold it with me, its our restaurant." I smile with my eyes. "Yeah sure, sure!" I can tell he's getting emotional as he sniffed and we cut the ribbon together.
"Congratulations!" Sam and some of our other friends applauded.
Hugs and kisses to everyone congratulating me!
"You finally did it kid." Sam side hugged me gently, rubbing my arm.
"I can't believe it"
*video-tape voices*
"This is amazing but Lose the scissors now Ayat, it's dangerous" Ifan cations me.
"Look how she's blushing!"
"Don't point that out it's embarrassing" I laugh. "Are you kidding me it's adorable!" Ifan laughed.
"It's time to cut the cake!" Ifan entered the hall carrying a pink sprinkled cake, with me sitting in the middle. "Oh gosh!"
I'm surprised. I cut a piece and fed ifan first because he filled my father's place.
"Hey what about the camera man, don't I deserve a bite, too?" Sam groaned, throwing tantrums. And I laughed
"You did a good job at recording Sam" I appreciate him.
Oh how I would die but never forget this moment. We're watching the tape Sam filmed in the sitting area, on a projector near the fireplace.
"I am bit of an expert." He smirked.
Oh my god, he still has that annoying pride side of himself. I'm surprised he's becoming all comfortable again. I thought it'd take us time to recover our old- acquaintance.
"okay don't wet yourself now." Ifan said.
"Language guys!" I shushed him, they can't talk vulgar when I'm here, I've prohibited that way longer ago, they should remember.
"I'm not the one being inappropriate he is." Sam points at Ifan.
"What!—" Ifan gasped.
"okay now stop with the agure! I want to watch the rest of the vidoe." I turned my face back to the screen again.
That's when we all hear a huge thunderstorm. All three of us looked at each other first and then jumped up to take a look through the window at the same time and in an instant It starts pouring outside.
"Oh" Ifan sighed.
"It's showering!" I said.
"Do we have something to eat here?" Sam questions. "Uhm" I grin nervously.
They both look over at me.
"We might have.. uhm not." I say, clenching my teeth embarrassingly. "It's okay, I'll head and grab whatever I can from the first store I see cross by." Ifan took his sweater.
"Be careful okay" I say "you should go with him." I look at Sam. "No way, I'm staying here with you. What if something goes wrong?" Sam said, waving his hand.
"You're just saying that because you don't want to leave the cozy environment." I said squinting my eyes.
"True, but what's the harm in it, I get to not leave, and you get a free handsome bodyguard to take care of you." He said in his pride.
I seriously can't with his pride again.
"For your information, I've lived here alone for a long time now, I don't think I need a handsome man." I said, crossing my arms on one another.
"Come on, just let me stay, he can go by himself, right?" He looked at Ifan for approval. "Yeah you're right. Stay with her, she's still a baby, I'll be back in seconds." Ifan said.
"See, I told you. You're still a child." Sam teases me.
"I'm not a child!" yet I throw tantrums like a child.
"The sun's going down, be back in time." I showed Ifan to the door. He left and I watched till the car's no longer stayed in my sight.
"So, let's light up the woods." Sam called me.
"You do it." I excuse myself.
"Alright baby." He said without looking at me.
"Don't call me that, its weird"
"okay I won't sweetheart." He released a slight laugh.
I rolled my eyes and set pillows down infront of the fireplace.
"So you like it?"
"Do I like what? The restaurant?" I'm confused.
"Me calling you sweetheart?" He asked as if he's also genuinely confused. Is he being for real right now?
"When did I say that?" I try to be casual.
"You didn't mind it." He rubbed his neck.
We both got silent.
"I mean, I didn't pay much attention when you said it." I sat down on the pillow I just put down. He was about to say something when his mobile starts to ring.
"It's important—" he's justifying.. why is he justifying?
I just gestured him its no big deal, he can take it.
I couldn't look who was calling, I just peaked it was Mr something.
What do they actually do for work? I remember going with them when I was sixteen, but that was way long ago, it's all a blur. All they've ever told me was its manual seeds, wheat and grains transporting business when we visited Mr Faisal it was maybe, I don't remember, I never really gotten into it. Never got into depth, I was never interested either. He's underrated they say, but aren't ecery local businessman? Besides I was quite young when they started earning so I was happy with it. And they visited twice a year, we never got the chance to speak internally in the last six years.
Is there something I don't know of?