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Chapter 54 - Bad things

"How'd you know?" I ask "My mum did the same," Dancer laughs. "We'd have it at Dancetide, or before the Laureltide when they'd announce the winner. Always squabbing Gamma." "Here's to Gamma." I laugh and finish another SWig Dancer watches me. The smile eventually slips from his face and his eyes grow cold. "Matteo's to teach you to dance tomorrow." "Thought you'd be the one doing that,' I say He thumps his bad leg. "Been a while since I've done that. Best dancer in Oikos. I could move like a deeptunnel draft. All our best dancers were Helldivers. I was one for several years, you know." "I figured." "Did you, now?" I gesture to his scars. "Only a Helldiver would be bit SO many times without drillBoys around to help pull the vipers off. Been bitten too. Got a big- ger heart for it, at least." He nods and his eyes go distant. "Fell into a nest when fixing to repair a nodule on the clawDrill They were up in one of the ducts and I didn't see them. They were the dangerous kind." I see where he's going with this. "They were ba- bies," I say. He nods. "They have less venom. Much less than their parents, so they weren't burrowers bent on lay- ing eggs inside of me. But when they bit, they used all the evil in them. Fortunately, we had an- tivenom with us. Traded some Gammas for it." In Lykos we had no antivenom. He leans toward me. "We're tossing you into a nest of baby vipers, Darrow. Mark that. Admissions testing is three months from now. I will be tutoring you in con- junction with your lessons from Matteo. But if you do not quit judging yourself, if you continue to hate your guise, then you will fail the test or worse-you will pass it and then slip up and be found out while at the Institute. And everything will be squabbed." I shift in my seat. For once, there's another fear in me--not of becoming something Eo would not recognize, but a more primal fear, a mortal fear of my enemies. What will they be like? I al- ready see their sneers, their contempt. "Doesn't matter if they find me out." I clap Dancer's knee. "They've taken what they can from me already. That is why I am a weapon you can use.' "Wrong," Dancer snaps. "You're of use because you're more than a weapon. When your wife died, she didn't just give you a vendetta. She gave you her dream. You're its keeper. Its maker. So don't be spitting anger and hate. You're not fight- ing against them, no matter what Harmony says. You're fighting for Eo's dream, for your family that is still alive, your people. "Is that Ares's opinion? I mean, is it yours?" "I am not Ares," Dancer repeats. I don't believe him. I've seen the way his men look at him, how even Harmony pays him deference. "Look into yourself, Darrow, and you'll realize that you are a good man who will have to do bad things. My hands are unscarred and feel strange when I clench them till the knuckles turn that familiar shade of white. "See. That's what I don't get. If I am a good man, then why do I want to do bad things?"

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