I'm not sure what I expected. Maybe something more grand, like a golden beam of light or a choir of angels singing in the background while I get this magical moment of "Welcome to your new life!" But no, of course not. Instead, I get... this.
I was staring at them. These people. My new parents?
They were fine, I guess, but seriously—did I just die and get reborn into some medieval soap opera? The moment I blinked and regained consciousness—or whatever was happening—I was suddenly being stared at by two aristocrats who were definitely too old to be having children.
The man, tall and skinny with a face that looked like it could have been carved from marble but had aged poorly, gave me this sickeningly sweet smile. His suit was almost too pristine. Like, he had just stepped out of some overly dramatic noble fashion catalog. Ugh. His waistcoat was the kind of fancy that makes you wonder what kind of person goes to bed wearing that kind of thing. His eyebrows, though? Perfect. Too perfect. Like they belonged in some Renaissance painting. I half expected him to start quoting Shakespeare at me. The woman, though—she was something else entirely.
Her posture was so rigid, it screamed "I've had my corset on for a little too long today." Seriously, if she breathed too deep, she'd snap like a dry twig. Her dress was a shade of purple that should've been illegal—like someone saw the color purple, but didn't quite understand what to do with it. Her eyeliner was too perfect to be trusted. You don't trust someone with eyeliner that precise. It's like the universe gave her a makeup tutorial but then said, "Yeah, let's make this look like it's from some fantasy art piece," and she just followed the rules. No soul, just lines.
And the boy. He was... well. A boy. He looked maybe six, seven? No idea. His smile had a weird gap-toothed vibe that reminded me of my neighbor's kid who tried way too hard to act cute, and was failing miserably. But hey, at least his grin was sincere. I'll give him that.
So, yeah, I was just lying there. In a crib. Looking up at all these people who were way too obsessed with me for a kid who hadn't even figured out how to hold a spoon yet. And the whole "we just had a baby, but we haven't seen it yet until the goddess approves it" thing... Look, I'm not religious. Never have been. If there's a god or goddess out there, they've been dodging my calls for years. But that whole concept didn't seem too far off.
I mean, sure, it was a little weird. And I didn't quite get it. Why would they be staring at me like I was some kind of alien baby? But... whatever. It felt familiar. And frankly, I wasn't about to waste any more energy on questioning the logistics of the afterlife and what the hell was going on right now. I had more important things to think about.
Like—what the actual hell was I going to do with my new life?
Because let's be real: I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for a new family. I didn't ask to be reborn into some medieval nobility where my only job seemed to be looking cute and crying on demand.
I cracked a smile.
They all cooed, of course. The maid, the butler, the other random servants in the room. There were a few "awws" here and there, which—ugh, please. Spare me the drama. Seriously. It's like they're trying so hard to pretend they care about me, but we all know they'd be just as happy if I were a doll that never cried.
I get it. I was cute. For now. It's not like I didn't notice the way they were all fawning over me. But honestly? I was too busy wondering what this whole "second chance" thing was really going to cost me.
If it's one thing I've learned in this new life, it's that nothing is free. No, not even your own existence. You can't have a "clean slate" without a price to pay somewhere down the road. But that was fine. I'd figure it out. I always did.
Then, of course, as if the universe was just waiting for me to settle into some level of existential misery, everything went to hell.
Literally.
I'm not kidding. The sky—yes, the sky—turned dark. And not just like an overcast or stormy dark. No, no. This was the kind of darkness that makes you think maybe someone just flicked off the sun. It wasn't the kind of dark that was natural. It was unnatural.
And then there was screaming. High-pitched, panic-stricken screaming that sounded way too close. I could hear it through the heavy stone walls of the mansion.
I blinked, my heart starting to race.
Oh, this was good. Just when I thought I could catch a break, the universe decided I needed a little more chaos in my life.
The servants—who were literally everywhere, by the way—suddenly sprang into action. Like, where were they hiding these swords and daggers? Why was the butler so quick to draw a sword like he'd been waiting for this moment his entire life?
In the blink of an eye, the entire mansion turned into some kind of battle arena. People were fighting. People I didn't even know were armed and casting spells like they were living in some weird medieval RPG.
And no one seemed surprised by this. No one.
Okay, let me just get this straight—I was in a place where servants were trained to fight monsters, and they were doing it in their fancy uniforms with little to no hesitation. And not just that—my new family, my parents, were standing there like this was the most normal thing in the world.
They were ready.
The boy, who had been smiling at me just a few moments ago, was now gripping a sword and looking far too serious for someone his age. He was ready to fight. And I couldn't decide if I was impressed or completely terrified by how natural he looked holding a weapon.
I mean, he was cute. But no. No one should be this comfortable with violence at six years old. I don't care how "noble" or "warrior-class" your bloodline is. That's a hard pass from me.
And then it hit me. The loud screeching noises that echoed from the outside—the monsters—they were real.
It was real.
I didn't know what I was looking at, but I could tell these things were big, and definitely not friendly. Some were humanoid, with twisted, elongated features, like they had been pulled from some dark fantasy novel, while others looked like they could eat me whole in one bite. Their eyes—the eyes—were terrifying. Like they had been staring into the abyss for too long and decided to come back looking for something to destroy.
Was I in the middle of a damn horror show?
Right then, I realized something too late—there was no such thing as "normal" here. Whatever life I had dreamed of living before, the one where I could have time to breathe, time to find myself, that was long gone.
I couldn't even finish my thought before a gargantuan creature with claws like swords crashed through the window, glass shattering everywhere.
"What kind of work did I get reborn into?" I whispered to myself.
Because, honestly? This wasn't what I signed up for.