CHAPTER 76: FEARS AND DOUBTS
FEARS AND DOUBTS
"Diana," James confessed, his voice cracking. "I'm scared. Terrified, actually."
Diana's brow furrowed. James, who always projected an air of control, rarely admitted vulnerability.
He hadn't planned to admit it, but the words tumbled out, a dam breaking after years of holding back. "I didn't want to get close to you at all because I was scared of getting hurt like I did the last time I got too close to a woman. I got hurt so badly. I didn't want to let that happen again".
"After everything I've been through, intimacy terrified me. Hell the last thing I wanted was to sleep with you, but Diana you had this effect on me...." He trailed off, unable to articulate the way she calmed the storm raging inside him.
"I always had terrible nightmares that nothing could cure, but I discovered that whenever I am with you, I sleep well without nightmares and a profound peace i haven't known in years settles over me. You Diana calmed a storm i didn't know could be calmed".
"You have changed me in ways I didn't think possible. The more I pushed you away, the more I craved your presence," he continued, a note of frustration creeping into his voice.
"I saw all the messages you sent me, Diana, every single one. But I couldn't respond. Responding meant facing the very fear I was running from. I needed you to think I was distant and indifferent, a way to push you away before i got too attached and also because i wanted , no needed you to leave me quickly before I got too close". A tear escaped his eye, tracing a path down his cheek.
"Now, I fear it's too late, and I'm scared that you will leave or start acting differently with me. What if things change or you change the way you look at me now that you know everything?"
Diana's heart ached for him. "Oh, James," Diana cried and without another word climbed onto his lap. She crossed her arms over his neck and held him tightly while he buried his face in her embrace, his body wracked with silent sobs.
"I'm never leaving," Diana whispered fiercely and sobbed against his neck.
"I'm here for life, whether you like it or not. I took a vow, James. I am your wife for all eternity, and you are stuck with me for better or worse. So you had better start getting used to it."
He pulled back, his eyes searching hers for a flicker of doubt. After a long moment, a shaky smile touched his lips. "Okay," he rasped, but it didn't quite reach his heart. The vulnerability in his eyes still raw. He still had his doubts.
Their gazes met, an unspoken understanding passing between them. Diana leaned in, her lips meeting his in a kiss that was messy, desperate, and utterly real. It spoke of unspoken emotions, a connection that transcended fear and doubt.
"I've missed you," she murmured when they broke apart, her voice catching in her throat.
"I've missed you too," James responded, a hint of disbelief coloring his tone. "This feels too good to be true," he continued.
"Well, do you need me to pinch you to test reality?" Diana said with a smile.
She cupped his face, her touch gentle yet firm, her gaze tender. "You cried in front of me, Treasure," she said softly. "That's a big deal."
A genuine smile finally broke through his guarded expression. He leaned back into her embrace, burying his face in her hair as Diana laughed, the sound light and carefree. "I guess I'm completely at your mercy now, dear wife."
Diana smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead... "I feel lighthearted now," James said as he looked back up at her.
Diana grinned, a warmth spreading through her. "Sharing burdens lightens the load, James," she whispered, stroking his hair. Her joy palpable.
"So you don't mind that your husband is weird and has abilities?"
She hesitated, then shook her head. "No, not anymore. In fact, I love it even more." James smiled and pecked her lips, while thinking to himself that she would not be this calm if she really knew everything.
A mischievous glint entered Diana's eyes. "Speaking of accepting everything, you should've heard what I told those men when they first approached me."
James' hand tightened around her waist instinctively.
Diana noticed it and smiled. "Relax, hubby. I'm fine now, and I'm here.
"You weren't scared?" He asked
"Not a bit," she declared, a playful smile on her lips. "I told them if they even dared to touch me, my husband would…" she paused dramatically, "suck the life out of them."
James' jaw dropped, then a grin spread across his face. "You really said that?"
"Absolutely," she winked. "And I meant it. No matter what you are, James, or what shape you take now, I'm proud to be by your side."
He cupped her cheek, his thumb tracing a circle over her soft skin. "We have no idea what this child will be, do we?" he mused, a hint of worry in his voice. "What if the child turns out to be a monster?"
Diana leaned into his touch, her smile unwavering. "Then it will be our monster," she declared, her voice full of love. "And we will love it for the rest of its life. But I have no doubt that our son will be as beautiful and handsome as my husband, even more so."
"And if it's a girl?" he countered, his smile growing wider.
"Then she will be as beautiful and gracious as you," he finished.
"Diana, I don't know what it's like to be a dad. I never had a really good role model, and I don't know what it's like to be a husband either. I might still upset you over and over and make you cry, but all I ask is that you reach out to me and don't let me go."
"James, I don't know how to be a wife or mother either"
"But you are doing a better job than I am," he said, cutting her short.
Diana laughed and said, "My point is that this is the journey of our lives. We will go through it together, through thick and thin."
"And how did you make me like you this much?" James asked.
"You will soon be loving me even more," Diana said and smirked.